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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Advice re toddlers of divorce

7 replies

Mammaof1 · 05/01/2025 14:29

Hey. So....sorry if this has been asked before but I tried searching....

My son is 3. His dad and I separated when he was just over a year old. We moved into a new home, his dad remained in the family home (financially best situation as family home bigger and more expensive)
Ex was not the best husband or father for first year. But then he has improved towards my son since. Son developing well. No concerns. However,.he appears to be starting to struggle. Will miss me when he's there,.or ex when here. Any advice on how to support him?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 05/01/2025 15:26

Just reassure him that I) it’s normal to miss people and it’s ok /normal feelings that make people sad. 2) while you miss him
when he’s away it’s ok to like being with daddy ( ie doesnt feel guilty leaving you)

then just be consistent. And he’ll grow out of it

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/01/2025 15:30

Dd was 5 when we.moved out although relationship had been over for a good 18 months before hand.

She went through stages of this. As above it is totally normal.

I agree with the above, reassure him that it is OK to miss you/daddy when at the other house. Make sure if he wants to call daddy/you then that is OK (make sure ex is on board first).

He will adjust.

Original poster
Mammaof1 · 05/01/2025 15:38

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/01/2025 15:30

Dd was 5 when we.moved out although relationship had been over for a good 18 months before hand.

She went through stages of this. As above it is totally normal.

I agree with the above, reassure him that it is OK to miss you/daddy when at the other house. Make sure if he wants to call daddy/you then that is OK (make sure ex is on board first).

He will adjust.

Sometimes video calls etc make him sadder. He says he misses me when he's there and then tells me he misses daddy when he's here....but we've been in this house nearly 2 years.....it's not a new thing....

I don't think it helps ex h house is much bigger, so more space, and he has more bigger toys there xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammaof1 · 05/01/2025 15:40

millymollymoomoo · 05/01/2025 15:26

Just reassure him that I) it’s normal to miss people and it’s ok /normal feelings that make people sad. 2) while you miss him
when he’s away it’s ok to like being with daddy ( ie doesnt feel guilty leaving you)

then just be consistent. And he’ll grow out of it

Just hoping he outgrows it as it's really hard him getting upset when there's not a lot I can do about it x

I always check he's had a nice time with daddy and that we miss each other but we both have fun other times too.

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/01/2025 15:41

Honestly it's unlikely to be anything to do with toys and is just about him ow being old enough to understand his feelings a but and being able to articulate them.

They also say what they think you want to hear. So if when he comes home you say "ohhh I've missed you" he will mirror that and say he misses daddy as he isn't there. If this is what you do (and it's perfectly normal to do) maybe try to refrained with "ohhh tell me all about your weekend" so it stops being emotive for him?

Mammaof1b · 05/01/2025 17:59

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/01/2025 15:41

Honestly it's unlikely to be anything to do with toys and is just about him ow being old enough to understand his feelings a but and being able to articulate them.

They also say what they think you want to hear. So if when he comes home you say "ohhh I've missed you" he will mirror that and say he misses daddy as he isn't there. If this is what you do (and it's perfectly normal to do) maybe try to refrained with "ohhh tell me all about your weekend" so it stops being emotive for him?

What I find hard is he starts saying it as soon as his dad opens the door...as soon as he sees me "Hiya mammy. I missed you so so much" and his dad will say "he's been excited to see you all.day"...

Just hope.its a phase x

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/01/2025 18:12

It's a programmed response, don't give it too much thought.

It is a phase, don't focus on it and it will soon ebb

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