How do you get back to you after separation?

[Findingmyself1]

I’ve been separated for two years, my choice for various reasons.
Since that time I have met a new partner, but my anxiety has spiralled after dealing with ex husbands disapproval of my choice to end the marriage, feeling like I ruined his life, I feel like everything I do he questions me and looks down on me and thinks it’s wrong, then anxiety of my new relationship working out, my ex hates my new partner because he was spending time with my children (the children like him, and I think my ex was jealous even though he has the children at the times we have agreed on) to a point of starting a fight with my new partner at my home, which was absolutely awful.
I just feel like so much has happened in the last two years, I can’t get over my anxious thoughts enough to enjoy life and take the next steps; I need to sell the family home which I still live in and pay for alone but obviously it’s half in my ex’s name so it needs to be sold so that he gets his part of the equity and it just seems such an overwhelming thing to do, even with the support of family and my new partner, I still feel very alone right now.

You sound like you're doing brilliantly. I was at your stage once upon a time (minus the new partner), felt too scared to sell shared flat and ended up getting back with my partner. Big mistake. Don't be me. You feel scared and alone because it is a scary thing, but you know it's the right thing. Friends used to tell me to 'rip the plaster off' and they were so right. Selling the house will be terrifying but it will be a positive step which sets you free.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. It’s so complicated working through separation as we have a residual feelings of caring for the ex in some way but can see that their behaviour is completely unacceptable and we wouldn’t put up with it from anyone else.
unfortunately what you’re dealing with now is pretty much exactly what your ex wants, to punish you and completely disrupt your life.
try and think about what boundaries need to be put in place and try and impose them, he won’t like it or even oblige probably but you’ll know your line and what you will and won’t respond to.
I would strongly recommend some talking therapy to build your self esteem and gain some clarity on what’s happening right now and what you can do to try and manage it best for you. It’s so important you look after yourself for your own wellbeing and also for you kids, they need their mum to be ok and also role model how to have self respect and not let someone bully you - that’s not a criticism at all of you, I’m just trying to put perspective on what’s happening right now and how you need to break the cycle somehow.
good luck, this is tough x

Thank you both, I think hearing from an outside perspective is so beneficial as I’m constantly worrying that everything is so overwhelming, it’s also so helpful to hear from people who has been in a similar position so thank you so much for that xx