I want shared parental leave back

[OKpeach]

Hi all,

Looking for any advice possible. I’m in the UK currently on maternity leave due to return to work in 9 weeks, so I only have a week left to give notice of extension. LO will be 6 months old when I’m due to return.

Before LO was born I agreed to give my babies father 3 months as shared parental leave as it was financially better for us as a couple. I assumed he would be more of an active parent as LO was agreed and hoped for.

Since LO was born there has been a break down in the relationship, still cohabiting at the moment but have separate bedrooms so are essentially flat mates until I can find alternative living arrangements, which I’m actively trying to do. I’ve requested the 3 months months back from him as I honestly do not think he will cope with our baby for a full day, he won’t change a dirty nappy, do any more than provide some basic entertainment ( for short periods in the evening) and gets very stressed if LO cries (huffing and pacing or flat out ignoring while he plays games or watches tv). He is refusing to agree to it as he wants the time off and says it’s fine as I can work from home. My job is fairly full on and I can’t look after a baby and work. Luckily I could afford to take the extra 3 months leave.

is there anything I can do or do I just have to accept the standard of her care will be lower for that time as I previously agreed to it?

Speak to your employer. SPL needs to be agreed by both parents. I'm not certain on the law if already been arranged, but I can't see how you can be forced to stick to it if you've changed your mind.

Also, LTB.

Even if you can't legally withdraw ageeement your employer may well let you take it as unpaid leave.

Contact your employer ASAP and inform HR there's been a change in circumstances, also you could possibly contact ACAS and/or Citizens Advice.

Also, he's being ridiculous. Of course you can't look after the baby and work (while he enjoys his "time off" 🙄), he's taking the absolute piss. SPL is for parents who are actually willing to look after the child, not for someone who won't even change a nappy.

My DH took SPL and I remember we made some changes to dates close to the time when he went off so it's not like whatever you have agreed to now is set in stone, you can change it but you need to speak to your employer.

This in spades. He can cant unilaterally overule you and you get final say.

Another xharity worth looking at is turn2us.

Before you get back to work make sure you register for BOTH the free childcare hours and taxfree childcare scheme (which is badly named and is basically an online bank account for childcare where for every £8 you put in and the gov will add another £2)

Good luck and sorry you had a baby with such a deadbeat shit head.
You will get through this and you are stronger than you think

Call his bluff. But don't work from home, make sure that you go in.