Should he tell my daughter about new girlfriend

[MyRoseMaker]

I posted recently on here and got some amazing advise.
My ex husband left me back in August, saying he wasn’t happy despite the fact that I was 7 months pregnant. We have tried to live together whilst saving for somewhere for me to live as our home was provided by his employer.
However, it turns out he has conveniently got a new girlfriend and says it started in October and he loves her. He lied and lied and lied about this but our car dash cam audio picked up all there sordid goings on so he couldn’t deny it. Just said he lied as it was private and for my mental health. It’s clear what’s happened but I guess that changed nothing. He’s started the divorce process, mainly to help with my lack of housing but like I say this is all very convenient.
This forced me to move to my mums with the three children, which is very squashed but at least I’m away from him despite having a newborn baby too.
However the problem I am facing is my eldest (15DD) is going back to stay with him term time, as we live in the grounds of her school where he works. This has crushed me but I do accept it’s better for her and she can focus on exams etc with more peace. And it’s only temporary till we get our own place. But I am so worried she will find out about his dad’s new girlfriend through the grapevine. We all know what secondary schools are like with kids speculating about teachers dating (the gf also works at her school) and I am told they are always together. He thinks he’s being careful, but engaging in physical activities in my car around the corner from the school and my house does not sound careful to me. He has said he will tell her but is digging his heels, mainly I think because he doesn’t want it getting out so soon after I’ve left as it looks so disrespectful and sordid.
I am starting to wonder if I should gently tell her before she finds out through other means, or keep the pressure up on him till he eventually tel her. I guess once she knows my 10yr old should also be told as it’s u fair to expect my eldest to “keep it a secret”.

I think he needs to tell her

I think you need to tread carefully.

Yes I agree that it would be best for your daughter to not find out via the grapevine, however he may genuinely still be keeping it quiet as he may think it’s too soon to tell the kids. It’s not for you to do so.

My ex threatened to tell DC about my new DP unless I did, because he hoped that DC would be upset and that I’d then end the relationship. So I told DS and it turned out he and DP got on o=like a house on fire which eXH was none too happy about.

I would have left it much longer if eXH hadn’t threatened to do it.

It’s something he needs to address with his daughter as and when he feels it is appropriate. If that is after she accidentally finds out then he will have to deal with that fall out.

I can see why you have feelings on what has happened. But he is an adult who is entitled to conduct a love life privately and it’s not something he needs to share with his ex and should only share with his children when he thinks it is right to do so.

It’s not unusual for people not to discuss their love life with their exes and to not immediately tell their children they are dating. In fact most people keep these things separate for a while.

No matter how hurt and aggrieved you are, you shouldn’t get involved or interfere with his love life or parenting. You are of course entitled to tell anyone , including your daughter, anything you want. But truth bombs cause unexpected collateral damage.

I got my STBEXH to tell the DC he had a new girlfriend as that’s why he chose to leave the family home. I felt we needed to be honest. DC have since been introduced to her which broke t heart as they’ve only know for a few months whereas he has been having the affair for well over a year so has mentally and physically moved on.

i think it’s best you DD is told by him! Let him own it!