Husband of two years wants a divorce how and when to tell kids

[Scarlymama]

I can't believe I'm posting this. Two years ago I got married and moved in with my husband ( to his place, I was renting before). I've got two children age 12 and 14, I split with their dad 6 years ago. It was awful for them. Me and their dad and his partner have a really good relationship. yesterday my husband told me he wants a divorce and we have to move out. I'm broken hearted. I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of telling my children and ideally want to secure a rental property before I tell them. It's making me worry so much, I hope they won't be as devestated as how I feel now.

You don't actually have to move out just because he tells you to. As you are married, you have the legal right to stay in the marital home even if your name is not on the deeds.

It may well make sense for you and your children to move out, especially if he owned the house before the two of you got together, they are not his children, and you've only been married two years. However, don't let him dictate the timing. As you have the legal right to stay, you should not feel rushed into moving out, and should ensure you find somewhere suitable and not just anywhere out of desperation.

Obviously I'm assuming there is no abuse (as you haven't mentioned it) but if there was my advice would be different.

No advice about telling the children I'm afraid except try not to dump your emotions on them too much. Get support from your friends/family and a therapist if needed so you can be calm and supportive for your kids.

I’m sorry, that sounds awful for you. What’s led to all this?

Re your kids, at their ages I’m guessing it won’t be a complete surprise to them. Presumably there has been arguments and/or tension to suggest all is not well. Ideally yes you would secure a new home before you tell them so they don’t have that anxiety having over them.

Id take legal advice before you move out. Are there any marital assets? I know you’ve only been married a short time but would he be willing to help you finance a deposit for somewhere?

2010 Child One
2012 Child Two
Exit dad somewhere along the way, get matey with ex and his partner
2022 Marry a man - there must have been some run-up to this, how long had you known him? How long had your children known him before you moved in and married?
2024 Man wants you and your children gone.

Thoughts:
Tell the children now, before someone else does
Get legal advice, as you are married
Are you working?
Does he own his house? It's unlikely you have any rights there but worth checking.
Do you have parents or siblings who might offer some kind of temporary support?

Looks like a 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' situation. Don't blame yourself, it's a huge shock when you think you are settled and it turns out not to be the case. Focus on the practical stuff. Encourage the children to join you in looking forward to having your own place.

Some helpful links

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/get-help/family-and-children/divorce-and-separation/divorce-getting-started

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/#h-if-you-own-your-home

And this link applies if the house is owned in his name only: https://www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

Thanks everyone, yes I probably did rush into the marriage. I don't have the mental space to worry about whether I rushed or not, we are here now. I love him still though and just wish it didn't have to be like this. The house is his in that it is tied to his job. I think if I don't get out quickly it'll just prolong the situation which is him being snippy with me and me worrying myself sick about telling the children. I'm hoping that as they have a good relationship with their dad and with me that they won't find it as traumatising as last time. I'll read the links thank you, this is still so raw he only told me yesterday. We had a bad patch (or so I thought) he had withdrawn affection, been making snarky jokes which I found hurtful and had completely stopped caring about my feelings and begun eye rolling. I work full time but I've never owned a property, I'm hoping I can find one in the next few days and put a holding deposit down.

OP, seriously, get some legal advice before you do anything else even if only to clarify things in your mind.
Youre married, he can’t just click his fingers and you and two children have to instantly disappear.

Of cause it won't be as upset for the kids as the last time, he's not their dad and they bearly know him. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's you that fell in love not them. They only met him a few years ago, and they're not that young so it's not like he's 'brought them up'

To be honest, OP, the children may actually not be too bothered about it - other than the fact that you are upset. As PP said, it's nothing like divorcing their dad.

That's true. I really hope so anyway x