Husband making co habiting hard.

[Lis667]

Separated and living together, even though husband has somewhere to go. I’m buying him out but until then he is staying in the house which is fair enough. But he is making every day so damn difficult, with his unreasonable behaviour, constant sarcastic comments to any simple question I ask. Speaking sarcastically through our 2 year old to her to me. He’s very bitter about the separation so it’s a nightmare. Apart from leave the house is there anything I can do about this? I can’t see myself lasting until he moves out.

Why is he staying in the house and when is he planning to leave? He's clearly trying to punish you, so you need to get him out ASAP.

Breathe in.......breathe out....... Thats all you can do really.

Focus on getting all the legal bits sorted as soon as you can (hopefully he's not being obstructive with that)

Be very wary of the sending sarcastic comments through your 2 year old - if he starts that habit now it will continue throughout all your co-parenting life.

Look up "Grey rock" and practice that - try not to rise to anything he says.

I co-habited with my ex for nearly a year before we divorced and i empathise it's hell but you will get there good luck.

I wish I knew how :(

Thankyou x

I wish I knew how :(

When are you buying him out? Can you bring that forward?

In the meantime keep out of his way!!

Solicitor has told me to wait until it’s been to the judge, which is at least 5 months :(

Is the separation finances complex? Can you not get solicitor to find a way of dealing with the property prior to it going to the judge?

Not surprised he is bitter and angry under the circumstances you describe. . If there is no way of getting him out you will just have to get through it as best you can.

I'm assuming your STBXH is waiting for resolution of a financial order or something - he will need his share of the finances presumably to move on somewhere else? Does he have a plan of where he will live? You could get the financial order resolved before the actual legal divorce and might be worth considering but speak to your solicitor.

Do all you can to speed up the legal process - but if you are divorcing him really he's the one who will dictate the timeline.

Have you discussed your arrangements with your child yet? You could try putting any new arrangement in place now - so then when it is "dads" time you can get out of the house and spend sometime on your own.

He're is a link to Grey rock. What Is Grey Rocking?

What circumstances are you talking about?

Law doesn’t work like that. Myth number 2 on MN that you can force your stbex to leave their “home”.
any legal advice anyone has says, for damn good reasons, you stay put in your property until financial order is “sealed” by court. It is sensible and risk free and safe thing to do.

unfortunately this means a very difficult period of living under same roof. No easy answers to it. But that’s the law.

This
he has as much right to be there as she does, and maybe she’s also “making co habiting hard” for him.

much as mumsnet loves to say “chuck him out” I think living as separately as possible in the same house is the best you can both hope for.

Can you go to mediation to agree how to live togther until the legal orders are sealed?
sounds like he is still processing his emotions and stuck in anger mode (think of it as grief pathway and look at that). If you’re the one that’s instigated the divorce, then you are way ahead of him on that pathway and he is lagging. Sure, using your child is dickisk if not abusive.

so first start to record all the comments he is making.
then try to suggest you sit down and discuss rules for engagement whilst you’re still under same roof. Try to write stuff down. Try to avoid contact. Put stuff into routine.

if he won’t engage in thst, then suggest mediation to talk through how to manage this period in a way that’s less stressful for you both. Don’t make this about just how you feel, his anger is a reflection on how he is feeling too, albeit it very negative and by the sound of it inappropriate.

report any abuse to police. That would literally be the ONLY way you can force him to leave, by getting a no molestation order (or equivalent) that bans him coming x distance to you that then effectively means he has to leave. But that’s involves police and courts, so you will need hard evidence of criminal behaviour.

otherwise, unfortunately, you have to just get through it. As time progresses he will hopefully start to process his emotions and move towards acceptance and what he needs to do to get on with his life. Maybe not, but don’t engage, don’t fight with him. Acknowledge his “anger” and say you will not engage. Or grey rock if you must.

as I say best hope is he and you can agreee to a spot of mediation to define rules and behavoiurs around how you live this period of your lives.

as other posters have said, you can get though it. Focus on making divorce as quick as possible. Use ADVICE NOW guides linked at top of this board if you’ve not already. Knowledge is power .

I’m actually not, I’m very civil and I don’t like confrontation. For my daughter’s sake I’m being amicable as can be, he’s the one bitter about the separation . I have come on here for advice and also maybe a little comfort. People like you put me off posting on mums net in the first place.

They can follow the financial arrangements as agreed any time they want to, but it's not advisable to do this as the judge may vary the financial agreement and then one party could be left owing the other money or having to sell a property they've just purchased because they can no longer afford.

My friend moved another friend in - a good ‘independent’ witness that minimised the abusive behaviour

Can you put up cameras in main areas of the home? I bet the abuse stops once he is being recorded.