I don't want to start again

[pumpkincorn]

Feeling really low tonight, I haven't heard from my husband since 2/12/24 I know he's left me because he said he didn't love me and lots of nasty things. But my brain misses him my house feels empty this cold emotionless person who once was so caring and said he loved me is gone and it hurts so much.

He's bothering more now with our son than he did when he lived with us and my son is over the moon and it's makes me so annoyed he could have acted like this for so many years instead he's made life horrible for my son and me.

I had a dream last night that he was with the girl he cheated on me with last year and I woke up feeling shit.

I never wanted a broken family and now it's forced on me. How can I love someone who clearly is done with me and my heart is broken my brain wants to google painless ways to end it.

I wouldn't be that selfish to my child but I really want to stop hurting what good a parent can I be when I feel like this.

I want my husband to come home but I know that's not the best thing I just want my family back together and for this never to have happened

This is a really tough time but trust me it won't always be like this. Try and focus on looking after yourself, doing what you love to do, just taking it a day at a time. The break up of a marriage is extremely painful so be very patient with yourself, grieving and taking things very easily.
Your ex has obviously let you down very badly.lf you can could you get some counselling as being able to go into that room and get some stuff off your mind is very good. I had a friend get divorced recently and the first few times we met she just would cry. Her ex was a total shit at the end but it still really hurts. Last time we met she said: hey look no tears!! And l knew she was turning a corner. Mind yourself and take advantage of your ds being with his dad to get plenty of rest, meet a friend..whatever helps.

OP I'm sorry you are going through this too. Mine left in March and has already moved on with someone else but I still get pangs. I think it's the fear of the unknown coupled with the time of year. I start feeling nostalgic and miss him but then I have to remind myself of all the negatives and the appalling way he has behaved. It's like your brain picks the highlights sometimes just to mess with you. I know it's a cliché but take each day as it comes and it does get easier, up and down absolutely but you do move forward. Something better is out there for you, you just don't see it yet.