I am thinking of asking DH to leave

[struggling1983]

I have been married to DH for 11 years together for 15
Things havent been right between us for years for about 8 years at least. Having children, bereavements and health difficulties have been hard. Our sex life is non existent and when we do it, I don't really enjoy it.
The spark isn't there for me anymore. I have found myself looking at other men differently. I tried to talk to him a few nights ago but he brushed it off saying we are both tired and we have had a lot on and that he still loves me and everything is fine. Now is continuing like I said nothing. He is a lovely lovely man generally, although admits he has been stressed and suffered with his temper with the children and we have both bickered. I dont want to hurt him but i imagine single life and making my own decisions all the time.
any advice please?

It doesn't really sound like you have a strong reason to divorce

Good grief, anyone can divorce for ANY OR NO REASON. That is why there is a no fault divorce now rather than relying on adultery or unreasonable behaviour.

Divorce can be hard on children but so can staying in unhappy marriages. It's about decent coparenting and putting the children first, whether the parents are in the same house or not.

I agree, it’s fine to want to leave an unhappy marriage. It’s not fine to just ask the other person to move out just because you don’t have enough money to do so yourself.

Are you coming back to your thread, @struggling1983 ?

Thank you everyone- lots for me to play and think through. I’m clear now that it’s up to me to leave. However I think i need H to listen first. H hasn’t mentioned our conversation since, despite me staying in the spare room and has even started planning our family holiday. It’s like the conversation didn’t happen. I got offered a promotion at work and he said “oooh goodie I was thinking I’d drop a day at work”. It’s like most conversations that don’t benefit H. If he can’t eat it or enjoy it then it’s my problem.
Yes we wouldn’t have as much money. I already work full time in a profession job. H already earns significantly more than me and is an extremely high earner. We don’t really spend the money and plough into pensions.
Single life looks harder and with less resources and support but at least I won’t be at H’s mercy all the time. I feel like I have no say in my own existence. I find H quite domineering and he gaslights me if I don’t agree.
Food for thought

Well, all practicalities aside, 15 years with one person is a lot.
It's normal to desire change.
But think hard about the outcome!
🍀

Thank you. I know the outcome wont be favourable but are the alternatives feeling as unloved and under appreciated as I currently do? is it fair on him if its fizzled out for me?