Mum has run off with children

[LoyalKhakiTiger]

To make a long story short...my fiancé has children with his ex wife, whom he shares parental responsibility with. They have a Child Arrangements Order in place. This past year , the mother decided to breach the court order due to my significant other allowing their children to have their hair cut at a hairdresser's (the mother declined to have it done for nearly two years, not even a trim to keep it healthy and maintained). They went back to court September of this year as Dad applied for an enforcement hearing as she refused to let him see or even speak to the children for 7 months. The mother failed to attend the second hearing in October. The court found mother in breach of the order with no excusable reasons and the mother and father are now due back in court in a few weeks times. The judge has stated that there will be a discussion of change of residence if the mother fails to attend again and if she does not reinstate the original court in full immediately (which she still hasn't as she declines to allow the father his court ordered phone calls as she stated in writing "it's an invasion of my privacy ."...🤨🙄) She now has taken the children and moved far away , a few weeks before court without giving the father any notice in advance or having a discussion. She literally informed him 3 hours before he was due to collect the children from her previous home address....which she still declines to give him the new address.

I guess my question is, how is this sudden uproot of the children going to appear to the courts as she is already in hot water as it is, so to speak and would it be even more reason to do a transfer of residency? To me it does seem quite spiteful and also it appears that she is not prioritising what is in the childrens' best interests. It also appears as If she is trying to undermine the courts in doing this.

Has anyone ever been through a similar situation?

It is difficult to do a welfare or well-being check without an address 🫤 I'm guessing which is most likely one of the many reasons she declines to give her address.

How will anything decided by the court be implemented if nobody knows where she has gone? How will she be informed of date & time? Has she moved them to a different school?

I don’t agree with pp who says bide his time till the court date

he needs to put in an emergence order and hearing and his first job today is to see a solicitor and get that done

She’s not allowed to move them without either dad permission or court permission. This will really go against her in court.

I don’t know much about these things, but given the severity of what has happened k, it’s now time to put hands in pockets and get a solicitor involved.

Make an application to the court for this issue to be considered at the next hearing. Highlight that you may need a longer hearing as a result - you don't want the hearing to get adjourned because insufficient time has been allocated

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c4-application-for-an-order-for-disclosure-of-a-childs-whereabouts

there needs to be an emergency court hearing, Ex Parte, and make the application using the form I have linked above, the court will use all available means (HMRC asked to disclose mothers updated address details etc) to locate the children.

Thank you for that. 😊 He is doing it now.

Why is he just waiting? Asking nicely for court dates? If my children were being kept from me and I didn't know where they were, the very first thing I'd do would be to lawyer up. I certainly wouldn't be waiting weeks for the next planned court date to happen. What is the reason he's not got a solicitor? He seems very passive given what's at stake.

Would he be doing anything if you weren't directing him?
I'm another one who thinks he sounds passive.
Is the insult that his ex is doing something she doesn't have a right to do? Or has he been desperately missing his children?

Some people do not have money available to pay a solicitor. Surely it isn’t that hard to understand?

Does he want them to live with him fulltime?

Don't be ridiculous. Why wouldn't she want to help him?

You might want to ask for your thread to be moved to legal as several family lawyers regularly post there.

Yes to applying for an emergency order and getting legal advice from a solicitor. There is also a form you can use to apply for the court to trace the mother through HMRC and DWP from the address used for tax/NI/benefits/child benefit.

Why would I not support my partner ? That is what partner's do....as this is a matter that affects our family and all of our children....why wouldn't I care ? That's quite selfish. I don't believe " oh those are his kids , why should I care ?". We are a family unit, period.

@infestedsharks have you seen how many pointless antagonistic posts you’ve made all over the site in the last hour alone? You need to your own time and energy into something else 🙄

I don't wish to engage in this conversation with you further. Thank you and you take care 🙂

As there is an existing court case, I'd do a C2 application to add that residence of the children is now requested.
Although the Judge/magistrates mentioned this, by applying for the children to live with him your partner is making this a clear and separate application now.
They will ask why he hasn't done so.

Thank you for that . He submitted the C2 back when he applied for the enforcement order. This most recent incident has only just occurred...hence why he hadn't done anything...the weekend courts are not available. He is very proactive in regards to his children as he loves and cares for them very much.

Obviously. But there's zero mention of financial hardship in the OP or any subsequent updates. Just a casual "neither of them have a solicitor".

I'd be selling everything I owned and begging, borrowing and stealing to raise funds to get my children back. Which is why I asked the reason for not having a solicitor instead of making an assumption as you have chosen to do.

The advice remains to see a solicitor and document what has happened with the court and if needs be other services, police, school, social services. He should do the later on the advice of the solicitor.

A few things to consider.

Has your husband contacted the school or have they contacted him? She can’t change schools without his consent. He just needs to ask the question if they have been removed and he needs to confirm in writing that he hasn’t provided his consent for the removal. He should make sure they know how to contact him and that he is an active parent.

I would caution against over reach in what he accuses her of doing or what she has done. He should stick to the facts as he knows them. She could be playing games to make him look unreasonable and antagonistic. Do you know for certain whether she has moved far away or moved at all? In any case she could just weave a new narrative to make her behaviour look justified. Be prepared for counter accusations and a retelling of what she said and did. Difficult people are often manipulative with what they say and how they say it. He is probably correct in his interpretation but she will claim she meant something else.

He should make a record of what she said when her tried to pick them up. He should in general document her interactions. They should be using a parenting app for communication anyway. This helps document and record behaviour. In all his interactions with her going forward he should use a parenting app and maintain a diary. Under no circumstances should he ever debate or argue with her, even when she is breaching the order. He should record what has happened and revert to court action. This is expensive but there is no other way if he wants to maintain contact and address the problems. Counter parents always want to wrong foot the other party and they always want to wear them down.

He will only communicate with her via email for his own protection. Even the past few months was overtly and covertly recording when collecting the children and as well as returning them for this reason (fear of her making false allegations or manipulating the situation). Fortunately he is quite a calm level headed individual and doesn't behave in a way that could be seen as antagonistic, even when she is behaving aggressively "ie: screaming, shouting , being verbally abusive in front of the children , etc." , he still remains calm and doesn't react. Luckily a lot of this behaviour has been caught in audio/video recordings as well as it being quite apparent in written correspondence.

As far as being certain that she has genuinely moved, we can only go based on what she has sent via email...I too asked that question myself. I contemplated if it was just some sort of way for her to get him to behave irrationally before the final hearing as it does not seem to be looking very good for her so far.

As far as if the school are aware...he has only been made aware of this less than 72 hours ago amd the schools are all closed for the Christmas Holidays , which he plans to speak to them once they reopen as he has quite a good rapport with their safe guarding lead as well as other staff at the school. They know him all too well and have never voiced any concerns in regards to the children and him. If anything they have only voiced concerns in regards to the mother with the children.

Thankfully the court was open today and he managed to file the appropriate applications that was necessary in this situation. He will continue to follow the court order, uphold the law and do what is in the best interests of the children.

Thank you for taking the time to reach out, it is very much appreciated. 😊