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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Father has right to tell the school who to collect kids ?

6 replies

Haty · 27/12/2024 21:07

My stbx husband has been served with divorce and not taken it lightly . Had all kinds of accusations threw at me over 11 months separations. He now emailed me to tell me who can and can not have the children in my family (very formal email ) there no orders in place for no reason my family are not a danger! Will the school dear to his demands as I am the sole parent who works drop offs collect and do all school work and after school club and has family member to collect or do drop 3 times week . He dose not collect only Friday n drop on Monday up until 2 months ago but yet my family have been able to do so with no safety concerns at all! Can his words to the school enforce this ?

OP posts:
HPandthelastwish · 27/12/2024 21:09

Not if you go over him. But school won't want to get in the middle of a domestic argument like this. Pop into the office when the children go back and explain and get their take on the matter

Formal letters look scary, but are meaningless if from a solicitor and not a court

Cerialkiller · 27/12/2024 21:11

If you both have pr and there are no safeguarding concerns then no I don't think so. Though tbh how would he even know?

Contact the school when it opens and tell them that you are separating from ex and he is being difficult. He may contact school about xyz but this is not court ordered. See what they say. I suspect as they have had a relationship with you and not him they will have no reason to prevent any approved adult picking up.

BookArt55 · 28/12/2024 19:10

Sorry, the advice given above is not my experience. My kid's dad suddenly decided my two family members were not to be trusted picking the children up (just once a week or on occasion at other points through the year), it was definitely to try and make my life harder and have control in some way. This follows five years of having my family having our child once a week, every week, and both family members having them for sleepovers etc.

School did not want to be stuck in the middle. If I changed the list of who could collect they would notify him, and vice versa. After a few times of it being changed (he took them off, told me they could be put back on, then took them off when I didn't agree to his latest demands) the school asked for a meeting with both of us as they were worried a mistake would be made and we both have PR.

Dad refused the meeting. Therefore school said until an agreement could be made that only me and dad could pick up.

I understood schools point of view, they were messed around a lot. But it meant my life became harder, my kid had to go to afterschool club which they hate, and my controlling ex continued to have that over me.

I'm in court in the next few months and I am hoping I can have it in the court order that these family members will go back on the list as there is no reason for them not to be besides his random allegations where there is no evidence. I mainly need it when taking one child to medical appts then the other child needs picked up.

However, if it helps I did work around it by using family members to do drop off to school, no one can stop that. It helped a little!

RandomMess · 28/12/2024 19:13

I would ignore for now and if he notifies the school you will have to say that those are now his days with the DC. Let the school know that it has to ring him first if he fails to collect as he is now doing all collections.

It is about control.

Looneytune253 · 28/12/2024 20:15

I would be very clear with him that if this was the rules he wanted to live by then these are the days and times he has to pick up. If he's not willing then he needs to choose an appropriate babysitter or whatever

littleluncheon · 28/12/2024 20:20

From the school's point of view, you both have PR and both have an equal right to change who and pick up the kids.
It's not the school's place to judge which parent is in the right.

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