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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Am I being unreasonable

9 replies

Flobellz · 27/12/2024 20:00

Hi

Looking for some advice/ outside perspective.

I split with my children's dad about 3 years ago following a number of angry outbursts on his part. Originally he left to live with his mum & continued to pay 50% of the mortgage. I paid my half, utilities and for anything the children needed. We had agreed that as the house was in catchment for the best rated school in our town the house would not be sold until both children had been accepted there.

Fast forward Sept 2023 the house was due to go up for sale. When he informed me his mum was being evicted and he would need to return to the family home until it was sold - I reluctantly agreed as I didn't feel legally I had any room to say no. By June the angry outbursts started again & I moved out to my parents with both children.

As it stands he pays 50% of the mortgage whilst I'm paying my 50% of the mortgage all the household utilities, everything for the children and rent to my mum to cover the extra gas, electric & water costs as I work from home.

He is now refusing to sell the house ( I need my share of the equity for a deposit on my own place)going off 3 valuations and the sold price of two of our neighbours in identical houses I would walk away with roughly £39k. He has offered 20k but has also stated that buying me out and getting the 20k would increase his mortgage payments and therefore would be using the money he would be paying in maintenance towards the mortgage rather than paying it to me.

Am I being unreasonable for insisting the house is sold and declining his offer? His reason for wanting to remain in the house is that it is close to our children - he's originally from a different area ( about 45 minutes away) however he only has the children for 4 hours per week, has never had them overnight ( his choice) and there is nothing preventing him from buying another home in the same area we live in now.

I'm torn between feeling like he's taking advantage & wanting to agree just so I can move on. 

OP posts:
Slimshady44 · 27/12/2024 20:08

Get a court order. Sell asap.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/12/2024 20:17

What a charmer

therefore would be using the money he would be paying in maintenance towards the mortgage rather than paying it to me

Meanwhile back in the real world he'll be paying both! And why are you still paying anything other than your half of the mortgage.

You need legal advice immediately

Flobellz · 27/12/2024 20:24

I think you're absolutely right I do need to seek legal advice - initially I've been reluctant as I wanted to keep it as amicable as possible for the sake of our children but ultimately that isn't working.

As far as paying the bills goes - the entire relationship & since we've split it's been a game of firefighting his temper. He has never been physically violent but will have these angry outbursts / rants that last hours if not days & I have got to a point where I will do anything to avoid this happening. I knew he was going to be angry that I was moving out ( which he was) and me paying the bills I guess was my way of trying to keep the peace as much as I could.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2024 20:27

You can get a court order to force the sale but you’d be looking at likely £2-5k to get that order at a minimum. Speak to a solicitor.

MerryChristmasYaFilthyAnimals · 27/12/2024 20:31

Ok. Deep breath.

Get a parenting app to discuss stuff about the kids.
tell him as of Jan you're paying no bills. Block him on everything apart from the parenting app.
Go and see a solicitor.
let him rant. Ignore/hang up/delete.

good luck.

Flobellz · 27/12/2024 20:32

Thankyou

I hadn't actually heard of the parenting apps until recently but that definitely sounds like a good idea

OP posts:
Slimshady44 · 27/12/2024 20:37

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2024 20:27

You can get a court order to force the sale but you’d be looking at likely £2-5k to get that order at a minimum. Speak to a solicitor.

All fees would come out of his equity share I think 🤔

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2024 20:44

Slimshady44 · 27/12/2024 20:37

All fees would come out of his equity share I think 🤔

No that’s not true. Typically the person applying pays the fees, you can then ask the court to order the other party to cover some but it would be unlikely it would ever all be taken from him.

Flobellz · 27/12/2024 20:53

From what I've researched/ understand ( which is minimal) the actual court fee I could potentially " "claim back" if it was ruled in my favour but when it came to everything else such as solicitor fees that would be up to me to fund - which providing was under 19k I'd still be better off getting a court order than I would accepting the 20k offer

OP posts:
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