Advice for a friend

[ZenNudist]

DF is going through divorce for cheating H. His behaviour has been outlandish. Works in same school as one of their dc, and so does OW.

DF cut down on her career to look after dc and now is financially fucked whilst STBXH doing OK. She has a FT job in her previous profession and can afford to get a mortgage.

He is demanding 50/50 time with the dc to save £, despite them not wanting to spend any time with him. They have one teen and one tween so dc are old enough to know own mind but not so old they have enough say to ignore their dad. DF is trying to encourage them to see their dad but doesn't want to force them. No court order yet.

DF has legal representation but not enough £ to endlessly pay a lawyer.

Is 60-40 in her favour financial split as advised by her solicitor fair or is he right demanding 50-50?

She's had the rug ripped completely from under her. It's heartbreaking. She's single parenting whilst working full time. Meanwhile STBXH is living life of Riley starting his true passion with OW.

STBXH moved out and is renting alone and house sold but sale not through. He will live with OW but that's not open news yet and he can lie in divorce and pretend he's on his own financially. He isn't.

Any advice I can pass on from those who have been through this helpful. Please.

Without knowing all the details of financials and assets it’s impossible to know what’s fair in terms of settlement and largely it will come down to what’s available and what both parties needs are . He will also need a house to accommodate his children

child access is different. Teens will decide what they do really, the tweens will get a big say. How do you k is he only wants the children to save £? Is that why your friend wants them more?

You say she is screwed but then say she works ft in her old profession and can get a mortgage…… which is rather contradictory

She has to move from their beautiful forever home to somewhere not as nice. She works FT and does the lions share of childcare and money is tight. He has progressed his career and won't suffer any ill financial effects from having a family. She will.

He's back to pre-marriage lifestyle complete with GF and she's lonely and hurting as the person she loved turned out to be willing to walk out on his family.

The dc do not want to go near him given what he's done. She is trying to gently encourage them to as she has taken child psychologist advice trying to do the best by them. They are very hurt by it all. I can't go into the dramatic details sorry but it's a bit like fiction what he's put his kids through. She isn't keeping the kids from him but they don't want to stay overnight at his. They spend time with him still.

I suppose I thought there must be common advice about what's realistic and how you behave when in this situation.

You know, it sounds like she's doing really well. And thinking of her dcs first. However if they don't want to see their dad then leave them alone. They will make up their own minds.

Divorce is shit. It really is. She should make sure she is not left high and dry wrt pension etc.

I hope she's got a good solicitor. And if she maintains her dignity, does not engage in mud slinging and walks away with her head held high, brighter days are ahead. At least I am hoping so for me too.