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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex refusing a consent order

11 replies

Jeany1967 · 26/12/2024 20:42

Ex has made me an out of court offer that I've decided to accept (having received solicitor's advice).

He doesn't want to apply/pay for a consent order and doesn't think we need one.

What are the costs involved in this please? Can I do it myself? I 100% know we need a consent order as I don't trust him at all to not come back in the future.
Can he literally refuse to provide the details needed to do a consent order? How do I stand?

Thank you!

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 27/12/2024 00:55

Yes you could do it yourself but it needs to be specifically worded in legal speak otherwise the judge will throw it out.

Get it written up, then ask a solicitor to "translate" it and put it before a judge. You need to do this to protect yourself. Remember, your Ex is NOT your friend.

I think the Form E (financials) gets written up into a D81(?), so look at that form on the government.uk website or YouTube to find out what information is required.

Original poster
Jeany1967 · 01/01/2025 16:12

INeedAnotherName · 27/12/2024 00:55

Yes you could do it yourself but it needs to be specifically worded in legal speak otherwise the judge will throw it out.

Get it written up, then ask a solicitor to "translate" it and put it before a judge. You need to do this to protect yourself. Remember, your Ex is NOT your friend.

I think the Form E (financials) gets written up into a D81(?), so look at that form on the government.uk website or YouTube to find out what information is required.

Thank you so much for your reply. I will look into this form now.

I'm just worried I'll write it all up, get it translated by a solicitor and he either won't submit his information or refuse to get a consent order.
Do you know if he can do this please?

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 01/01/2025 16:18

@Jeany1967 ,

Are you sure that he doesn’t want to submit it as opposed to not wanting a judge to see it as it is so egregiously unfair to you that it will get thrown out?

I think that it is an obligation to have taken legal advice before putting a consent order to a judge and they can throw out ones that are totally unfair, or at least ask further questions about them.

Are you sure you know the value of all his assets including his pension?

Original poster
Jeany1967 · 01/01/2025 19:46

Newbutoldfather · 01/01/2025 16:18

@Jeany1967 ,

Are you sure that he doesn’t want to submit it as opposed to not wanting a judge to see it as it is so egregiously unfair to you that it will get thrown out?

I think that it is an obligation to have taken legal advice before putting a consent order to a judge and they can throw out ones that are totally unfair, or at least ask further questions about them.

Are you sure you know the value of all his assets including his pension?

He says he doesn't see the need in getting a consent order because he doesn't have any relatives that are going to die so I won't be able to go for inheritance down the line (his own words). He says he won't be paying a penny towards it because he doesn't see the need in getting one. There were issues in the last court hearing about how he managed to get the money to buy me out and pay off the mortgage so I think he's worried the court will question it or worse for him, stop it happening altogether. I'm assuming even if we 'amicably agree' and draw up a consent order a judge will still look into fairness and how he's obtained the loan?

Overall, what we have agreed is fair. Our pensions are similar, and we only really have the house to split. His behaviour has been awful and he was seriously told off by the previous judge in the last hearing so I was sure that he would try and avoid going to court at all costs. He has pressured me into accepting his out of court offer for months and now I have obtained legal advice and have agreed to accept it he's now saying he won't be paying a penny towards a consent order. I think I'm going to have to pay for it all but what happens if he doesn't provide his information?

It's all about control for him. I've agreed to accept his offer and want to move on with my life and now he's refusing to reply to my emails about moving forward with all this. So irritating!

OP posts:
soupsong · 02/01/2025 09:36

I am in a similar

FloralCrown · 02/01/2025 10:03

He wants you to agree to these terms, so you actually have the upper hand here.

Calmly explain that you are happy to agree to these terms terms legally, in a consent order that you both pay for, otherwise it's back to court and you battle it out there (& by the way, can he provide info on how he paid off the mortgage for that?)

Don't let him walk all over you.

It sounds like it may be better for you to go back to court anyway and get an agreement that's more in your favour.

Browniesandcustard · 02/01/2025 11:47

Get the consent order - who has filed for divorce, you or him?

Sparklysnowman · 02/01/2025 11:55

Just tell him that the choice is either he agrees to the consent order, or you go back to court for an order and ask for costs.

Give him 48 hours to agree. No further discussion.

Original poster
Jeany1967 · 02/01/2025 23:29

I'm the applicant for the divorce and I've paid for all the court fees so far, including all the mediation fees which was a complete waste of time because he is literally not prepared to negotiate for anything at all.

If I get a consent order, does he have to fill in the forms? Because I know this will be an issue as he's said I can't force him into doing it.

He's been pressurising me for months to accept his out of court offer and now I am he's saying he won't cooperate and I can't force him to apply for a consent order.

OP posts:
SLRUS · 03/01/2025 01:17

Do this properly as it's worth the money. Follow the process and get it properly approved by the courts. If you do this you can absolutely force him to disclose. It will take longer but I think it's worth doing.

ikeepforgetting · 14/02/2026 12:39

@Jeany1967 I know this was a while ago, but did you manage to resolve this? I am in the same boat with ex stonewalling all attempts to agree the consent order (based on his offer!) and I really dont want to go to court, but can't see another way

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