Final Christmas

[ooforgoodnesssake]

In anyone else spending time with their partner tomorrow but knows they will separate as soon as is reasonable after Christmas?

No, but I wish you have a nice, peaceful Christmas this year and next year is even better x

For all those who are in unhealthy relationships, I hope this Christmas is your last with them and this time next year you are in a better place, where you aren't constantly tense or walking on eggshells

Yes you're not alone, I'm here in solidarity. I hope you can muddle through today and have a relatively peaceful day, next year will be better! Best wishes OP x

Yes...we are in the process of separating but still living together at the moment. I just have to keep telling myself that it's only one day ,then he's back at work.

Me too. Upsettingly, apart from an initial blip, he's been on top form and it could have been a lovely day. Spent most of the day pretending not to be on the verge of tears and it's tipped me right back into grieving for the future I'll never have and the family I wanted so badly but can't have.

Roll on bedtime for DS so I can go and curl up somewhere hidden!

Yes, but I've said this for the past five Christmases. It's got to be the last one this time.

Some bits of today went fine. The kids were a delight, and really happy. There were moments when I felt bad for them that they were so happy and I will be tearing their world apart this year.
But then as always at the end of the day when he got tired, he was a prize tw*t to me and the kids. I filmed the audio just to remind myself why I am doing this. It is terrible to listen back to / watch and the worst part is that it happens every night. Tomorrow as every day, he will wake up, make me a cup of tea and the day continues as though everything is fine.

Yes same here today went well and I’ve started having doubts but I just have to remind myself just yesterday was a different story

Yes.

I’m in my first Christmas post separation and whilst it was hard only having the kids with me half the day it was so much better than last year in an unhappy marriage.

Feeling pretty dreadful today. I indulged myself with a long hot bath last night and gave into the tears. Slept badly as I was so upset. A lovely Christmas yesterday feels a bit like being shown "this is what you could have won!" and I want to be angry again but I'm just so very, very sad.

I know that it shouldn't change anything. We've had lovely days before and it always unravels afterwards. I used to cook a family meal every weekend to sit and eat together and too many were ruined by his sullen silence so I stopped. He still doesn't want to do things together the rest of the year. He'll eventually get in a sulk and ignore me for days or weeks. He'll still get angry and make the house feel tense and oppressive. He still refuses to engage with anything like counselling to make things better.

I just don't understand why he can't love us too. And today that is making me so very, very sad and heartbroken.

Sorry for the rant! And thanks for reading if you got this far.