Christmas with the ex

[MummyDuet]

I'm at a total loss as to whether i how I feel is normal or if I'm being selfish.
So I'm in a committed loving relationship with my partner. She was previously married to a guy for nearly 2 decades. They'd separated a couple of years before I came along may i add.
Anyhow, they still share the house, and have 2 children under 10yrs. They sleep in same bed, albeit not at the same time.
This Christmas they are sleeping under the same roof Christmas Eve, sharing Christmas Morning too so they can both be there and share in the joys of watching their children open gifts .. They have 50/50 split but its less then amicable..he's a £%^b

I'm trying hard not to let this upset me..however the thought of them.spending it together hurts like hell. I'm alone part of CE night..n knowing she's round the corner quite literally with her ex Is eating away.

It was the little girls party too the other day and my partner was invited but not i so i waited around to pick her up after wards

.I have asked why her ex can't put children to bed, leave then return in the morning, but he wont..she cant..every Mother wants to see their child open up gifts and express joy CD... he also doesn't want to get divorced, and although I trust that my partner wouldn't cheat, It just hurts. Am I wrong for feeling hurt? For my mind to be racing?

I'm not sure I'd consider myself in a loving committed relationship if the other person was still living with her ex. Is there a reason why you both haven't looked into other options together? How long have they been living together post separation? What is the long term plan here? Does her ex and their children know about you?

I lived with my ex for 18 months post separation, but we didn't share a bed for the whole time. One of us would have slept on a couch if we had no other choice, I wouldn't have wanted to sleep in the same bedding as he was using even if it wasn't at the same time.

I only ask the above questions as the last person I spent time with who was living with their ex, sleeping in the same bed but "not at the same time" was actually still in a committed relationship with his wife and she had no idea.

Her kids will always come first, but at some point her and her ex will have to move on properly and sadly you do then have to deal with the fact that one of you won't be there Xmas morning unless you have a set up that the other parent comes to stay the night before.

No, you're absolutely not wrong. I'm afraid to say your partner is.

But when there's young children involved, it can be easy to have the misguided notion pretending to be fine for them is better than being apart.

The ex is clearly calling the shots here, at your expense. The children will grow up watching Mum being treated badly and learn that you put up with it. They'll get it too. They're not learning boundaries or safety like this.

And you're not being treated as you deserve. So no. YANU. It's a shame you had to ask.

They were together near 20yrs. Separated for 4 .6 yrs. They were co parenting as a 'unit' until about 2 yrs ago..but then whom ever has the children stays at the house n the other goes..
I have a good relationship with her children. We've had holidays, days out. The ex knows about me but is blooming horrid n name calls me. My partner has tried everything to prevent upset aswel as protect herself. I think that's why infeel guilty for being upset about CE and CD morning..thrm all being together, sleeping separately but under the same roof..my partner is empathetic to my hurt but her kids understandly come first. I just don't get why the Ex can't disappear once they're in bed n return in the morning.

I don't expect my partner too as she's their Mummy.. its a messy situation..

To be honest that’s a bit sexist really isn’t it. Their dad has just as much right to be there as she does so it might be better if it was her that left. Sometimes these are the compromises you need to make in difficult situations. YANBU though.