A little ‘don’t give up’ message to anyone struggling at the minute …

[Browniesandcustard]

Just wanted to send a massive ‘don’t give up’ message to anyone finding this whole divorce thing tricky. I’ve gained so much support from this board over the last year.

Last year I discovered my stbex’s affair. Long story short after a nightmare year dealing with him and his bizarre demands/mood swings / blatant nastiness/lies/bullying my consent order has finally been approved. I may have cried, a lot when I got the email.

I know it’s hard but don’t give up, keep pushing for what you’re entitled to - I was almost bullied into accepting far less and at times could hardly function. But the order is now done, final divorce is a max of 3 months away and he has had to give me far more than he had decided he was entitled to.

Big hand hold for anyone struggling, especially at this time of year, but stay strong.

That's fantastic news! Well done for persevering. Your determination is going to give you a fabulous new start

Thank you, I needed to see this today. 35yr relationship ending. We are spending Christmas Day together to ease the transition for my son who has a learning disability.
I need to get the motivation to put up the tree, but there are memories in those boxes and I can’t go there.
thank you

Congratulations! You've done incredibly well to recover from such a shock and make sure to protect yourself for the future, despite the bullying tactics. That takes a lot of strength.

@susupercatlady I would highly recommend going to B and M and buying new decorations. You might want a tree, but there's no need to open the box of memories. Be kind to yourself. By next year you might feel able to do it, but for this year generic baubles and some new tinsel is fine.

@Browniesandcustard did you have to go to court? My ExH is refusing further negotiations but his offer isn't enough for me to build an income to support myself (SAHM for over 20 years). I'm trying to decide whether or not I should keep pushing or accept less.

It depends on what you're fighting over and what your prospects of success are. A solicitor should be able to reasonably gauge what that is.

Unfortunately though, you will get little sympathy for being a SAHM for 20 years these days. It will largely be seen as your choice once the children reached an age that you could reasonably have worked and contributed to family finances. I've even seen people successfully argue recently that the reason they couldn't be a more involved parent was because their ex refused to work during the marriage and put all the financial pressure on them.

My experience is different to @ShinyShona, but I'll PM you as my ex trawls all over MN looking for my posts.

@77Fee Things have been moving rapidly in family court in the last few years. One person's experience tends to be of little value to another's because there are so many variable factors.

However, a "breadwinner" married to someone who did not seek employment when any children of their marriage started secondary school has a lot more avenues of argument than they did even 5 years ago.