Five years and still no divorce agreement

[hoikedjudgeypants]

Almost 2 years we've been together, both of us separated (me just, him 4 years) but not divorced when we met and since then I've sorted my divorce.

I know there are 3 sides to every story but he's pussy footing around with her trying to negotiate the consent order f2f. They've had draft terms signed that she's reneged on, they've failed at mediation, she's had the 4 bed detached new build fmh signed over to her while he's in exLA with renovation work needed, he's got some complex current and future health needs that she knows about, she has 20 years of public sector pensions and yet still won't budge from 50/50.

He and I have spent hours and hours and hours discussing his divorce which usually ends up the same way - he doesn't want to hurt her feelings (she instigated the separation & is still with the affair partner) and won't instruct his solicitor to just take it to court. I am exasperated by it as its stopping us from moving on. How do I get through this???

Some people find it really difficult to get divorced, even when it was them that wanted to separate.

I completely understand why you’re so frustrated though, I had similar as my DP ex wife just kept ignoring any attempts to get divorced until eventually she needed some money for something and we used that as leverage to get her to engage.

It took almost 6 years from separation to divorce (I wasn’t with him until 4 years after they separated) and 2 attempts at serving divorce papers. She completely ignored the first time and pretended she didn’t receive anything. Second time round she wanted money so eventually agreed to mediation. Then even on the day in court she managed to thwart the process and drag it out a few more weeks whilst we waited for a new final hearing date as it couldn’t proceed on the day.

You do get through it, they will get divorced eventually and I don’t feel there is much you can do when it’s her delaying it rather than him. Even if you issued him an ultimatum, he can’t control what she does.

I would keep talking about it, keep it in the forefront as it’s easier for him to just ignore it all and hope it goes away. Apply just enough pressure to keep momentum without it causing problems between the two of you.

Good luck!