Loneliness/lack of support

[Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse]

I'm almost at the end of my divorce. Separated sep 2022. Ex moved out of FMH in Feb this year after the kids and I asked him to. I have grown up teens and an older child away at uni.
The last few months especially since ex left the house, have been so lonely for me in terms of support from friends and family.
I wondered if anyone else had experienced similar.
My family all still care about him, my friends have little empathy as they feel awkward about it all. I do have a new partner and he's great. I just feel so let down by the people I thought would have my back. My best friend is very hard to talk to about it and has made her feelings clear on several occasions that I am hurting my children by getting divorced. She experienced a very messy divorce as a child and is still traumatised by it. I never ask her for advice but she gives it to me in an unsolicited way. She's told me I need to be careful not to push people away, but I feel like there isn't really anyone in my corner to push away.

Ex and I had been together a really long time, from teens to 40s, so our lives had always revolved around eachother. We grew apart and were initially amicable however he has been emotionally abusive to me over the last few months.

I've joined a couple of FB groups to try to make more friends, but I'm just not myself at the moment. I see a counsellor and it's helping

I just wondered if anyone else had felt this isolated, and if it gets better? Some days I just cry and don't want to be around any more, which sounds awful.

Did your new partner crossover with the end of your marriage?

No, I had a year of being single.

Are the kids old enough to just make their own arrangements in terms of seeing him? If so just cut contact as at least that will stop the emotional abuse.

Friends - nothing much you can do about that, not worth worrying about something you can’t influence. You can feel upset about it but best to accept it and move on,

You do have a partner and I guess children who are ok with it as they wanted him gone. That is someone for you and perhaps it’s better to focus on the positives in your life than the negatives.

Divorce is tough. It’s one of life’s most traumatic events. Just be kind to yourself and it will get better. Don’t take any shit off your ex though: He and his emotions are not your problem anymore so don’t engage with him.

I mean you can decide how you want to react to your friend. She has an opinion. You don’t have to agree with it. And in future maybe just shut her down by saying you have listened to what she had to say and considered it. But you don’t agree in your case that divorce is the wrong thing and your children support you.

Children can deal with their parents splitting. They can’t deal with you fighting whether married, separated, or divorcing. She isn’t traumatised by her parents divorcing she is traumatised by them not getting on. And although I don’t know I suspect the fact you continued to live together after separation lead to the recent problems with your ex. That and the divorce becoming real. But you will be divorced and his feelings won’t be yours to deal with. That’s why people divorce.

I feel such a lack of support and upset by lack of texts and support from friends and family!! Either they don’t understand how upsetting and difficult a divorce is or clearly we don’t mean as much to them. I don’t know which but have been really upset and lonely by all of it.