Single mum

[DanielaSg]

Dear all. Myself and my partner are going to separate. We have a 9 years old daughter. Not sure how to tell her as she adores her dad. She is a very happy confident child. I am afraid that this will affect her immensely. We will have to sell the house. My income is not very good. After selling I am looking to bay a 1 bed flat ( leaving in London). I am terrified about how am I going to manage to pay mortgage and bills. Emotionally I am not
doing well. Please, please advise

Well first consider whether you can actually afford to stay in London, even just an hour out will get you more for your money be and not being too long to travel for contact. Or agree with ex who will be in a similar position, for which area you can both move too separately.

You'll likely be eligible for some UC which will help with finances.

You'll have to put DC into childcare to allow you to work more.

Being separated is not the end of the world, it's highly likely she'll get better, more concentrated quality time with dad than she would if they lived together.

my family leaves in London and I don’t drive so hard to move far

Your daughter adoring her dad presumably means they have a good relationship and he’s a good dad? So there’s feasibility there for you to have a 50/50 coparenting arrangement which would facilitate you being able to work more hours and pay for less childcare, rather than the assumption that you’ll be responsible for the majority of everything. The transition period may be difficult for her, as change always is - but if she’s a happy, confident child now then she won’t be negatively affected if the two of you can remain mature and amicable enough to put her first, respect each other, and coparent effectively without putting her in the middle of your disagreements. Mediation can help with this in the initial stages.

You both need to sit down and look frankly at what the financial outcome is going to be once the house is sold and equity and any savings etc split in half. You’re both going to be looking after her so you’ll both need to be able to house her adequately. What support do your family currently provide? Unless it’s regular childcare, do you actually need to live close by to them? Many many people in London live in entirely different areas from their families.