How do you ever trust anyone ever again after ex partner mentally ruined you

[pumpkincorn]

The thought of dating anyone makes me feel physically sick. I'm 37 and I haven't kissed anyone other than my husband in 13 years and no else has obviously seen me naked.

My husband told me before he left me that I'm frumpy fat and make him feel horrible if I touched him and that having sex with me would make him loose his erection but he could touch himself and he was fine. Just me being a minging beast

How do you step over all that horrible stuff and get the confidence to ever want to date again.

I know that all the horrible things was him being horrible but he mad me feel awful and in reality it's scary to start again.

Honestly, step one before even thinking about dating is lots of processing and working on yourself, for yourself, therapy can be hugely helpful.

You learn to trust yourself. Who are you? What are your values? How do you behave? Are you kind, decent, honest, loyal? That really is all that matters.
Once you have it sorted that actually, you are a decent person, and you internalise that, nothing some angry loser says will bother you. And you will only accept decent people into your life.
That sad sack could have told you your name was Barry Manilow. Would you have believed him? No. So don’t believe him on the rest. It’s him not you, but it’s you that you need to focus on.

You get to know yourself, who you are, how you expect to be treated, what you will accept, where your boundaries are etc. Also, learn about healthy relationships, warning signs and so on. Do you like who you are? Are you critical or kind to yourself?

I had a similar experience at a similar age and honestly, therapy was a godsend. There is a lot to untangle when you've been living with and married to someone treating you like this.

I'd also recommend trying to reconnect with friends and family and don't be scared to open up to them.

Also, on a brighter note- it's so nice to be free of abusive and toxic relationships like this and you will find happiness and be appreciated again, I know it's hard to believe or imagine but life will be happy again. You deserve so much better.