In court through safeguarding issues and false allegations being made against me

[lonelypolarbear]

Hello all

I just need to vent a little please.

my husband and I split 6 ish years ago, but a good friendship remained and we co-parented well to our 2 children (11 & 13). I started seeing someone 4 years ago and everything changed. The line he has said many times is “I will not let another man raise my kids”. I understand his upset and I’ve been very considerate and tried my darndest to keep a good relationship going with him.

Sadly things have gone downhill, he has been using alienating behaviours to try and ruin the relationship between me and our daughter, she has become wise to it now and wants nothing to do with him as he keeps blaming her for everything. He’s been growing drugs at his house, been taking the kids round dealers, had drugs in the house, taken class A hallucinogenics and gone a bit crazy for a time etc, so I removed the coparenting arrangement for safeguarding reasons. He thinks it’s disgusting and unnatural that his son has been kept from him (nothing about our daughter) and kept trying to see the children without supervision, telling them there was nothing legal in place to stop him. I’m now going to court for a lived with child arrangement order, but his defence is to ignore the safeguarding issues he’s created and simply make stuff up about me. Apparently I was coercive and controlling and verbally abusive in our relationship, got drunk and was unable to pick our daughter up once, have a pervert of a boyfriend - none of which are correct, but how do I prove my innocence as I hate liars. Almost everything he has done can be backed up with some kind of evidence, I have 2 years worth of diary entries and call logs to children’s services asking for help and guidance etc. But he can be rather charming and right now is being a yes man, what if CAFCASS fall for this and my son is then in danger if they reinstate 50/50 coparenting??

I just want my children to have a safe and uncomplicated childhood and they’re stuck in the middle of this nonsense, but I can’t leave it as they were in harms way.

😢😢😢

You don’t have to prove your innocence. He has to prove your guilt.

Does He have a criminal record related to his drug use/supplying etc?

You don’t need to prove your innocence. He will have nothing to back up his lies.

stay strong. Your children are reaching an age where their views are taken seriously.

The only thing he has on his record is possession over 20 years ago. When I discovered the weed in the loft I took a video and reported it to the police, but before anything could be done about it they had gone. Our daughter was aware there was a tub of weed kept in the kitchen cupboard because he told her and made her keep quiet about it, so if CAFCASS ask her, she can confirm that and the drugs in the loft as she knew about them as well 😢

god I hope you’re right, he can be quite convincing and he has my mother egging him on as well, she’s a nasty piece of work👎🏻

Man I hope so, I don’t know what levels he will stoop to to try and get his way. This is our kids lives 😢

You’ve never had dealings with SS, have you?

I’ve called SS a handful of times to ask for help over the past couple of years, due to him being coercive and emotional abusing our daughter, and they’ve recently done a piece of work with us all to try and improve things, but not a social worker as such.

My remark was aimed at @Yankadoodledoo not at you, OP.

I find when dealing with SS you are through the looking glass and down the rabbit hole into a world where nothing makes sense, and where the truly guilty party gets the “benefit of the doubt” whereas the innocent one is gaslit into acting as if both parents are as bad as each other.

😢

Sorry to say so, but at least forewarned is forearmed.

When dealing with a SW you must always remember however lovely this person presents herself to be she is not your friend, is not on “your side” and will be working to an ethos of “contact at all costs” rather than “what’s best for the children”.

Also be aware that you could be accused of “parental alienation” for raising concerns about your children’s welfare while with your ex. Keep your wits about you and never tell them anything that they can use against you later.

Ignore this OP it's shit from someone clearly bitter.
Cut your own contact with your ex and tell him third party only or to take you to court. He can throw as much mud as he wants and genuinely you have no control over what he says. If there's no evidence and you've been telling professionals what's going on for years then it'll be fine. You can't stop him telling lies.

It’s not “shit” it’s sadly real life experience gained from trying to protect children from their father, a man who has police documented history of DA and stalking known to the court, who was subject to supervised contact for a year due to being abusive to a baby during contact and who now has multiple unsupervised overnights every week. He charmed the SW and hasn’t changed one iota.