Time to seperate - top tips and advice

[MarellaJoy]

So after Christmas I will be asking my DH for a separation. It won't come as a surprise to him...he asked for 6 weeks to prove he can change and be the DH and DF we deserve but nothing has changed.
Reasons being drugs, lack of care, appreciation, support, love..im pretty much a married single woman as it is.

I need to know how best to prepare for this as I know it will be tough. All advice and personal experience is welcome. I have already spoken to a solicitor who has given me generic advice which was helpful. Any other services I can speak with?

My DH are 3 and 5 for context. We have been married for 4 years together for 10 years. His family live far away. Mine live about 30-45mins away.

We will both need time to figure things out such as him finding a nearby flat and me finding someone to help with nights (max 2 months and then he needs have found somewhere?!) I work nights and oncall so currently looking into an au pair. I also have family who are amazing and will definitely help me where possible.

Advice Needed:
How and when do you tell the kids?
how do you tell them mummy had enough of Daddy's drug addiction and lack of care for us...

Practical childcare custody arrangements.
I was thinking Wednesday overnight and Friday overnight and then bringing them home Saturday evening was not an unreasonable request. He works full time so may complain but so do I. I'd still get Sundays with my children.

I've calculated what he should be able to afford to give us pm so I'll request this and see how it goes.

Do you have to be separated for a certain amount of time before being divorced?

I really want to stay in our family home. The mortgage is as high as what I would have to pay for a 2 bed flat in the same area. I also can't afford to buy him out. Did anyone successfully come to an agreement such as (When/if I sell the house when the kids are much older you can then have your share of the equity based on the value when you left).

Im finally feeling strong and confident in my decision. So thank you in advance for the practical advice/support!

Book a meeting with a solicitor ext week, or at least before you speak to him about the details.

before any custody sharing is discussed you need to strongly consider where he will live and what the environment will likely be like. He will be off the leash so to speak, will he be fit to parent?

He's on drugs and not capable of caring for kids!!! Why on Earth are you waiting 🤷🏼‍♀️

For drugs, no overnights. Nope. No way.

You have little children. They pick stuff up. Stuff gets on their hands. Stuff goes in their mouths. They need supervising 24 hours per day, fgs. Drug addicts don’t care.

Your children may see him at a supervised contact centre of your reasonable choice but you must have a second option for activities for the day because what happens if he doesn’t turn up because, well, whatever? I think contact centres have a cost. Don’t rush to volunteer to pay that cost.

You will be a single parent. Do not expect any form of coparenting from him. If you get anything regular from him, just be pleased and accept it as a bonus.
Get him out now and then scrub everything. Don’t trust him if he assures you there is no residue in the house or car or on the stroller of wherever.