How can they act like you've never existed

[pumpkincorn]

My husband left me and we have to remain low contract because we have a son. But hes actually doing no contract and I don't understand how he can act this way he's just shut down and doesn't care. We was together 13 years and now I feel like I was so easy to discard and forget. I feel like such an idiot for missing the good times which over the years got less and less and he got more moody.

How can I miss someone who's obviously moved on and doesn't care about me and my son it's so cruel

Honestly I don’t think low contact is a bad thing, obviously he should be maintaining contact for childcare arrangements etc but other than that there’s really no need for more than that.

it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have some good memories of the relationship and he probably does too, but it’s not good for either of you to overstep communication by being super friendly and keep reminiscing.

Hi, sorry you’re going through this.
Low contact is defo the way forward. I hate having to have any contact now (it’s been almost 6 months since I found out he was having an affair) and when he rings DC, I can’t bear even hearing his voice 🤢

He's a total control freak all of a sudden as well. He’s stopped responding to my messages re childcare so when he rings the DC, i shout in the background ‘can you ask your dad to confirm he’s read my message….’ and it shames him into saying ‘yes’ 🤣🤣

As for getting over them behaving like we don’t exist… honestly, it’s the only way they can deal with their guilt. If they think too hard about what they’ve done and lost then they would have to accept they are the ones who’ve done wrong.
I struggle some days to believe the man I’ve loved for 20 years, the history we have and the amazing memories we’ve made, has treated me like this…. but he’s not the man I thought he was. I see him now as a lying, cheating, weak, pathetic excuse for a father.

Try thinking about the crap times and the way he made you feel unloved when you were together rather than the good times.
My ex had really bad halitosis and also an awful body odour. He was also awful at or*l sex! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Unless there is something to discuss re your child then there is absolutely no reason to contact you op.

He is not your husband or your friend anymore. He is only the other parent of your child.

I am not trying to be unkind but you need to change your to thinking.

What level of contact (other than arrangements for your child) were you expecting?

I cannot fathom any reason why I would contact my ex husband other than for child reasons. He's not my friend, I don't want to chat to him or spend time with him. I don't think that's abnormal.

I don't have any unnecessary contact with my exh and we were together for over 20 years. Once I finally was able to leave I was just so elated at being free from him. Our kids are now adults so we have no reason to be in touch and even though he has wanted to meet up and stuff in the past I have always said no. I just want nothing at all to do with him and I doubt that will ever change. He's not a very nice person.

13 years is a big chunk of your life.

A divorced friend explained her feelings to me as she felt bereft at times because she missed the day to day things about him in her life.

When she heard something funny at work she would be looking forward to going home and telling him. If she was shopping and saw something he likes she would buy it. Shared purchases in their home and garden, memories of holidays.

She was quite down for a time until she accepted and realised it wasn't actually him she was grieving, she was grieving the loss of the relationship. She's fine now and went in to meet and marry someone else and is very happy. They Co parent their children well.

It's all still a bit raw for you so you're bound to feel down but as life goes on, hurt feelings decrease and you start to feel ambivalent about him.

Hi , sorry that you are going through this OP . You didn't say , so not sure if he left you for another OW or there has subsequently been a new partner / girlfriend for him?

Whilst not always true , men do generally only leave when they have a new woman on the scene. Otherwise most relationship break - ups are instigated by women
For him too " cognitive dissonance " is at play . To accept to himself that he is not the baddie in the relationship breakdown , he shifts the blame onto you .

If there was / is an OW then sadly this is the relationship that he sees as his primary relationship and he will prioritise this over you and sadly for a lot of men , will prioritise this over the relationship with his child / children .

He may also have been detaching himself from your relationship over time and he is not at the same stage emotionally as you are .

Men in general also seem to be able to move on quicker . I am not sure if this is because women are more emotional and men are more " physical " . Again these are generalisations and will not apply to every relationship breakdown .

It does feel incredibly painful to be " discarded " in such a way especially when you have built a life and family together .

I think you just have to accept that this is a painful journey , that if will take time and reach out to family and friends for support if you can .

Be kind to yourself , you are finding this tough because you are a caring person and cannot understand why your ex- partner is acting how he is .