Telling the kids

[tellmesomethingtrue]

Have you separated but remained living together...? We can't afford to go our own separate ways at the moment due to COL.

Did you tell the children? Ours are 9 & 11. They know we have separate rooms and tend to do different things with them at the weekends but they don't know we are separated.

We still eat dinner together if we're both around and still interact as we can't just ignore each other.

Part of me thinks the kids should know the truth, especially as when they look back on this time, they'll figure out how long we didn't tell them for. Plus it feels like we're lying to them.

Part of me thinks telling them will upset them. because we will not be living apart or actually becoming divorced anytime soon so will it be unfair as they will be waiting for us to physically split.

What did you do please?

Are you both thinking about getting a new partner? If not, I don’t see the point in upsetting the kids right now. You’re living together, just in separate bedrooms like many, many couples.

Could almost have written your post op. Similar age dc too.

Haven't formally said anything but they know something isn't right. I understand what you are saying about lying to them but have you made any plans regarding future separation? I think it is difficult to say something without being able to tell them the way things are going to be going forward. I don't want to announce anything until a plan has been formulated in regards to this and a physical split on the horizon.

Sometimes I get asked questions about my relationship with their father by dc. I feel uncomfortable answering because I don't like to tell them things that aren't true and perhaps what they want to hear. Very difficult situation and I'm sorry you find yourself in it. If your partner/husband is pretty co-operative and willing to appear amicable then I think it can work to some extent. Unfortunately, mine isn't and ends up thinking more of himself than the dc. To this end, it is becoming increasingly toxic. I find myself jollying things along a fair bit and it is taking a toll on my mental health. I receive therapy to try to help me cope until I feel in a stronger position to leave.

Hello OP, not sure if there is a perfect solution here. I lived with my ex four months after separating and he did not want us to tell the kids. I can tell you that this was a nightmare for me. We did not have an extra bedroom for me to move to and I did not want to sleep with him in the same bed anymore, so I slept on an old matres on the floor, the whole time. He never offered to switch places as I was the one initiating separation and he never accepted any responsibility for the separation. I did not mind sleeping on the floor as much as I was afraid the kids will come in and find me there. Our kids are grown up, mind you, we have three but only one was a teen and they all lived with us at the time.

Pretending that all is well was hard too as my ex, again, did not want to take on the burden, so it was all on me. This took so much of my life energy, you would not believe it. I also felt bad for lying and pretending to my kids.

So basically, I wish we did tell them right away, but you need to decide this for yourself. Good luck and all the best to you!