I’m in a difficult situation and would really appreciate advice, especially from those who have been through something similar.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mum to our three young children (aged 5 and under) for several years. This was partly because I wanted to be with them in their early years and partly because my husband isn’t willing to take on childcare responsibilities during his time off.
The relationship has become increasingly unhealthy, especially around finances. My husband is very controlling with money. I have to ask for money for groceries and any outings with the children. He won’t pay for childcare, even though he works from home in a loft conversion and is largely uninvolved with the children. He barely interacts with them—occasionally reading a book or changing a nappy if explicitly asked.
I have no personal savings, and while he earns a good salary, I can’t access those funds. We don’t qualify for benefits as a couple due to his income. I’ve recently applied for Universal Credit as a single person and hope the claim goes through.
We jointly own our property, but he pays the mortgage and bills. I want to start the separation process in January after the Christmas holidays and am planning to apply for mediation at that time. Ideally, I’d like to either move out with the children or have him leave, but finances are a concern. Our mortgage payments aren’t much different from what renting a 2–3 bedroom property would cost, but I know rent wouldn’t be fully covered under the renters’ allowance.
My long-term goal is to divorce, retrain, and re-enter the workforce. My youngest children will qualify for some funded childcare hours in September, which should make things a bit easier.
I’m looking for any advice on:
• What you wish you had known before starting the divorce or separation process as a SAHM.
• How to navigate the system to ensure the best outcome for myself and my children.
• Any practical tips for managing this kind of situation with limited finances and support.
I want my children to grow up in a healthy, loving environment, and right now, they’re not getting that. Any advice or insight would mean so much.