Not in the will - update

YourRealBiscuit · 2024-12-07T13:58:51+00:00

some OF you may have read my “not in the will” post an AIBU. If you haven’t, perhaps that will give you some context to this next post. but after him saying he was changing his will, and those of you who mentioned it here, I decided to actually take a look at what he’d changed it to. he did change it that on his death I could live in the house, however he also set a trustee to oversee this and make decisions about my staying. he actually appointed a second cousin who we see once a year and although she’s a really nice woman, she has zero involvement in our life from year to year. I can’t believe I’m having even more reason to be shocked and appalled at this man who has been my partner for over a decade it’s not like I am sticking around to see this play out but what kind of crazy person , stipulates a random family member to be executor and trustee of his will???? it says she’s there to make sure I am a good tenant in his property after his death unbelievable

Mrsttcno1 · 07/12/2024 14:10

As if it couldn’t get any worse OP! I hope you’re getting ducks in a row to leave

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2024 14:10

I remember you. He has shown you what he thinks of you, and it's not in a loving, caring or supportive way. He's done it to shut you up so you stay and tend to his needs. I hope you aren't that desperate.

Just a reminder though. Now he has shown you his will he can change it to say something else tomorrow and you won't know. In fact he could already have updated it and shown you last weeks will and not the current one. He's slippery enough to do that.

Plan, save, walk

Summerhillsquare · 07/12/2024 14:12

It takes a psychopath to think so little of the person he lives with that he would control her even in death.

MJMJMJMJ · 07/12/2024 14:14

He has zero regard for you other than as an appendage of himself. Once the master is dead he gives zero fcks about what happens to you.

How exciting your new life without him is going to be. Enjoy.

viques · 07/12/2024 14:25

He will miss when you have gone. Let’s hope the cousin is happy wiping his bum and spoon feeding him when he finally slips into senility.

honeylulu · 07/12/2024 14:42

I wonder if he's even asked the cousin! Executorship and Trusteeship are onerous responsibilities with little reward. Why in earth would she want to take it on? In her position i would refuse/decline.

millymollymoomoo · 07/12/2024 14:59

It’s quite nornal

he would be leaving the house in trust to pass to his children (or someone else) with you a right to live there for a time ( or lifetime). Therefore, the trust needs a trustee

That’s how it works

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 15:28

millymollymoomoo · 07/12/2024 14:59

It’s quite nornal

he would be leaving the house in trust to pass to his children (or someone else) with you a right to live there for a time ( or lifetime). Therefore, the trust needs a trustee

That’s how it works

He could have left it as me being a trustee surely? Rather than having someone over see my kids future who doesn’t even know their middle names!

OP posts:

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 15:29

honeylulu · 07/12/2024 14:42

I wonder if he's even asked the cousin! Executorship and Trusteeship are onerous responsibilities with little reward. Why in earth would she want to take it on? In her position i would refuse/decline.

Who knows at this point. If someone asked me to do this I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot barge pole! She’s a nice woman and pretty astute so she can do it, but who the hell would want to?!

OP posts:

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 15:30

Summerhillsquare · 07/12/2024 14:12

It takes a psychopath to think so little of the person he lives with that he would control her even in death.

It’s just another way to remind me, it’s not my house! Even though you can stay here, it’s not yours and someone will have say over you still!

OP posts:

Alalalala · 07/12/2024 15:30

I haven’t seen your other thread - do you have kids with him, or do you both have kids from past relationships?

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 15:31

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2024 14:10

I remember you. He has shown you what he thinks of you, and it's not in a loving, caring or supportive way. He's done it to shut you up so you stay and tend to his needs. I hope you aren't that desperate.

Just a reminder though. Now he has shown you his will he can change it to say something else tomorrow and you won't know. In fact he could already have updated it and shown you last weeks will and not the current one. He's slippery enough to do that.

Plan, save, walk

Thank you. I am marginally closer to leaving, although all the houses I can afford are being sold at modern auction which is undo able for me. I’ll tramp on!

OP posts:

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 15:31

Alalalala · 07/12/2024 15:30

I haven’t seen your other thread - do you have kids with him, or do you both have kids from past relationships?

The kids are ours.

OP posts:

Alalalala · 07/12/2024 15:34

Oh. How very wrong of him then.

Getupat8amnow · 07/12/2024 15:47

Time to seriously get your ducks in a row and quietly save money without his knowledge so in a year or two you can leave. Good luck OP. Your man is terrible.

LemonTT · 07/12/2024 16:12

Sounds like you are over and this is a moot point He will probably be leaving the property to the children. Your focus should be on getting your own place to live and building your own financial future.

I get you are angry because he mislead you over his feelings and hads used you. But his feelings aren’t going to change. And your feelings for him won’t change. You shouldn’t be together. It’s just a matter of time and the degree to which it gets toxic. Your children deserve better than that.

lots of people settle for form in a relationship to get companionship and to have children. And they mislead the other person because who these days wants to settle. You are doing the same by staying until you are ready to leave. It’s not functional.

There is now resentment on top of lies on top of using each other. The relationship has got nowhere to go but downhill. Don’t subject your children to that.

Original poster

YourRealBiscuit · 07/12/2024 22:07

LemonTT · 07/12/2024 16:12

Sounds like you are over and this is a moot point He will probably be leaving the property to the children. Your focus should be on getting your own place to live and building your own financial future.

I get you are angry because he mislead you over his feelings and hads used you. But his feelings aren’t going to change. And your feelings for him won’t change. You shouldn’t be together. It’s just a matter of time and the degree to which it gets toxic. Your children deserve better than that.

lots of people settle for form in a relationship to get companionship and to have children. And they mislead the other person because who these days wants to settle. You are doing the same by staying until you are ready to leave. It’s not functional.

There is now resentment on top of lies on top of using each other. The relationship has got nowhere to go but downhill. Don’t subject your children to that.

Oh it’s all happening don’t you worry, I can’t make money any faster but it’s just nice to have somewhere to share my feelings whilst I’m going through it

OP posts:

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2024 22:32

I'm very glad to hear you are making plans OP. It must have been such a shock to the system to realise he wasn't thinking of you at all when you had thought you were a strong family unit. It really is gut punching when your reality tips upside down. It took me longer before my world righted itself enough for me to start dreaming of a different, happier future so kudos.

Keep plodding on, one foot in front of the other, and you will get to the other side eventually. And that is all that matters