Marriage advice pls

[TheRedTiger]

Hello!

I came across this website, I really need some advice.

I have been marriage for 10 years, first year marriage was the honeymoon year, after this my husband changed towards me. Later found out he cheated on me for about 5 years of marriage. Found out he had been on tinder and set up a dating profile. When I asked him why did you set up a dating profile, he said he needed someone to talk to. I think he cheated on whilst he was on his friends weekend away trips and holidays away.

I forgave him, and for four years we haven’t has sex. He just doesn’t make any effort, tbh he never really has since the past 9 years of marriage.

I recently found some ejaculation spray, he said he bought it for us, he felt he wasn’t satisfying me. But it was in his car stuff not in the bedroom. He’s never made any effort sexually towards me in the last 4 years after I found out about the cheating.

I just see other people around us settling down stating a family. I just feel fed up, I can’t have a normal conversation with him. It’s like he doesn’t have any empathy or compassion for me.

I don’t feel an emotional connection, I forgave over the cheating but I don’t forget what he put me through.

I feel I can’t voice my feelings to him. All I want is a normal marriage, to feel loved and valued.

is it normal for a guy not to want to have sex for four years? He hadn’t initiated anything

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but in my opinion and for what it’s worth the male perspective.
I would say it is not normal for a man to go off sex with someone they’re in love with for that period of time. I wish you all the best for the future.

Thank you for your reply. I have tried to discuss this with my husband but the conversation never gets anywhere

Oh love. You deserve more than this. Ask yourself if you are willing to spend the rest of your one life on this planet in an unhappy marriage with a man who doesn't put in effort. I'm afraid it sounds like he's continued to cheat on you because I find it unlikely a man would go off sex for so long and then have ejaculation spray in his bag. Best of luck to you but please do what is best for you and nobody else x

I feel I can’t voice my feelings to him. All I want is a normal marriage, to feel loved and valued

well you’re certainly not going to be getting that with your husband, you need to leave him, as for half your marriage he’s been cheating on you.