How on earth do I end my marriage?

[ChristmasHound]

What on earth will I say to my husband? It would have to be when the children are in school and possibly on a sleepover that evening. I will have a new home to go straight to. I feel like such a complete cow 😔

(Reasons for ending - EA/Verbal abuse/threats to harm me and himself and general twattish behaviour)

Although I know 100% that I am doing the right thing I still feel guilty and I know he is going to hate my guts.

Is there a time he is out for a few hours so you can move out and then message when you are safe in your new home? He has behaved badly so doesn't deserve to be told in advance. If not can you have someone with you and who can help you leave immediately if he starts being a problem

If he's abusive and makes threats to hurt you then you leave first and then tell him it's over. To tell him first just puts you at risk

I left and wrote my STBX a letter. We'd got to discussions a couple of times before so it wasn't new information but previously he'd talked me into staying so I needed to remove myself this time.

No good advice for you op but what if it's not possible or right to leave? That would be my issue. Just decamp to spare bedroom??

Sounds as though you are in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). You shouldn't be. It's not working, there has been emotional abuse including threats and yet you are concerned for how he feels...you should be thinking about what works for you here. That might be a note on the kitchen table and an offer to catch up in a neutral venue when the dust has settled. There is no good way to do this, it sounds as though you are 100% doing the right thing and so in time you will not feel guilty and you won't care if he hates your guts.

I would just move out first and then send him a text telling him it's over