Living agreements/contracts with ex/father of child

[Flyfree]

Ex partner and father of my child(3) is Portuguese, lives in Portugal, my daughter was born in Portugal.
i left back to Uk, my home country when my daughter was 6 month old as ex is controlling toxic narc.
We live in UK already 2.5years but i want to move back to Portugal so they can have a relationship, despite being a controlling knob, he is dedicated to her and visits in uk every month since we left.

After 2.5 years of pressure from him, he got me in a weak moment without support and i signed a Portuguese legal contract to say we would move next month and remain in Portugal until my daughter is grown! Also without flexiblity to move within Portugal with freedom and without his consent. The contract states we can come home to uk two times a year, for max 28days each time.

Starting to panic and feel like WTF have i done agreeing to something so long term and so limiting. He fucking did it.

We found a great place to live in Portugal and i am already in process of moving. I do want to go, the issue is the feeling of control and lack of freedom.

I feel I would actually like it to be 6 month Portugal, 6 month uk. So my daughter can connect with both her families and not lose touch with all the people who love her here.

Anyone with similar experience here? Can i edit that contract? Can i make a seperate contract from Uk lawyer to override it as my country of residence is currently uk until we move back, then Portuguese law instantly holds us as daughter was born there.

I feel I would actually like it to be 6 month Portugal, 6 month uk.

How would this work when she gets to school age?

@RosieLeaf intention is home school so wouldn’t be an issue x

How will she make friends ? Home school is pretty unusual on the continent AFAIK (not sure about Portugal). So you're moving her to a new country and you and she will be at home mostly? This seems very isolating. How will you support yourself?
Personally I'd forget this contract. Did you have proper Portuguese legal advice when you signed it? If not, then I'd write to him saying that you didn't get the proper advice before signing and you would like to consider options before moving. This all seems really crazy.

Your plan is awful- 6months home school in Portugal, no contact socially with native speakers, and then 6 months in the UK where she will be amongst other people will speak English, but she'll still have no socialising. Do you not plan on working, at all, ever or do you have a fully flexible job working anywhere you'd like? I'd be checking the legality of the document you signed, with a UK lawyer, and also a siring you have the passport for the child currently, potentially also putting her on a no fly list in case he gets a Portuguese one.

I'd hault the move and get legal advice. Id be worried about whether my child could make and keep friendships if home schooling between two countries. Do you speak Portuguese well enough to connect with the home schooling community in Portugal if there is one? What about income? If you're full time home-schooling and working and moving between two countries and having two homes, unless you're independently wealthy I'm not sure how you could make this work. Even if you have a super flexible job now you can't rely on that always being the case. There would also be legalities about working overseas for so long if your job is UK based.

What did he give you in return for this contract? My understanding is that a contract has to be an exchange - it can't be on-sided.

In any case, of course it can be changed - the terms aren't reasonable.

You need a Portuguese lawyer to look at the document that you signed. Hopefully it’s not legally binding and something he drafted himself. You need them to spell out what you’ve agreed to. For example, what happens if you split? If you died or became seriously ill, would he be required to take dd to the UK to see your side of the family? Does the contract end if he dies ? If you don’t get along with his parents then this could be problematic. Do grandparents have rights in Portugal? Can you stay living in Portugal if you split? (Brexit )

Why would you want to home school in this situation? I can imagine it would only benefit the father as it keeps you both isolated and easier to control. If you have a support system in the UK, I would stay there.

How do you intend to support yourself financially whilst home schooling a child in another country and travelling backwards and forwards to the U.K.?

Don't go. You'll never get back. Also your plan of 6 on 6 off and home schooling is horrible.

So your daughter loses out on a typical childhood for the benefit of who?

Why are you making a known choice that means she won't have the same chance as most children to form friendships, school, social groups etc.

@RosieLeaf thanks for your feedback, we have a great home school community in wales with plenty of friends and can create the same in Portugal, we also live in community. I’m not worried about friends. I’m worried about being controlled and losing my rights to stay connected to and return to my home country. Re the contract, thats interesting that you feel it is not something to worry about, i hope you are right and ‘adjusting’ such a document is indeed possible

I don't understand why you want to move there so she can have a relationship with her father when you also say he sees her every month. So many questions arose.

Do you both speak Portuguese? How do you expect her to have friendships if you are only spending half a year in a placeDohow will you meet the regulations on home education in Portugal if you are only there half the year? Do you plan to have 2 homes and only live there for 6 months of the year? You must have considerable independent means if so! What if he refuses to let her go anywhere once you get there? She will have access to a Portuguese passport, so he could just apply for that if you don't want to habd over a UK one.

If you move there he can make you leave your daughter there until she's 18 regardless of what any contract says. The contract is probably meaningless but The Hague convention is not.

We already have community in Portugal, i speak Portuguese and so does my daughter. We have community and family here in wales. I have sustainable income in uk and father would need to support basic costs while in Portugal, until i have it sorted.

I do want her to have contact with her father and family in Portugal. Me and the father are separated not together.

Whatever arrangements you want to make are your business. But you need legal advice on this 'contract' you've signed and you need to read up on The Hague Convention. The fact that he made you sign a contract and that you signed it indicates he's still abusive and still controlling you. Think very carefully before you make Portugal your daughter's habitual residence.

6 months in each means she would never put down roots. Never really be part of a sport or hobby. If she wants to dance or compete in football or gymnastics she never could. I assume she will have some friends somewhere but she will miss birthdays and occasions and parties if she lives half the year in each country.

If they homeschool I don't know why OP wouldn't keep wales as the main home and spend the odd month in Portugal to maintain links without the risk of him being able to argue that Portugal is her habitual residence and refusing to let her leave

Get proper legal advise and make sure to take the Hague Convention into account. If Portugal could be considered your child's place of habitual residence, your ex could refuse permission for her to leave the country and you could be stuck there, or have to leave without her. I have a good friend (English) who was married to a French man but the kids were born and brought up in Belgium. Neither parent can take the children to live in their own countries without permission of the other - not granted.

You mentioned he's controlling and yet you want to give him financial control over you for 6 months of the year?
Also, I bet that's not written into his contract.

You'll get there with your child, he'll financially support the child, not you, and you'll have no money. Then he won't let you take your child back to the UK.

The ties with Portugal and her father are already there. There's nothing to gain from this plan and absolutely everything to lose.