Task/Time Tracking to prove we don't have a 50/50 split

[SoloMe]

I've recently separated from my partner. Still living in the same house. Have an almost teenager who will be moving out with me once I find/buy a house elsewhere.

My ex is adamant that he has done his fair share of childcare/parenting over the years and wants to go forward with a 50/50 split of custody. However he has NOT done a fair share and we definitely do NOT have a 50/50 split now or will have going forwards.

I need to call the Child Maintenance Services and clarify a way to move forwards as I know he's going to make things difficult and dig his heels in. I need to find out what is the right way to proceed that has our child's best interests at heart not simply what he wants.

He works ft whereas I am self employed and work from home so that I can always be here for our child.

A few friends have suggested I start tracking everything I do and everything he does with regards to parenting and hands on childcare time etc to prove its not a 50/50 split at the moment.

Are there any good apps that I could use to log tasks/time of two individuals so that I could show a comparison of time spent etc??

Also looking for real life examples of how others deal with custody. Child will be with me M-F because of his school schedule and I don't want that dusrupted, but then is it fair that he spends every w/e (leisure time) with his dad?

Can he call me out and say that most of M-F the child is at school and therefore those hours aren't included??? (Something he has pointed out more than once!)

Help.....

What's happened in the past won't necessarily be relevant. For example, someone who does more than half of the childcare might have done so because they refused to do half of the paid work. The other party can easily argue that until divorce they were forced to work long hours because of the other party's refusal to work, that this reduced the time that they could spend on family responsibilities and that both parties becoming breadwinners for their respective households will necessitate a change in that dynamic.

Thanks for all this info. It is so valuable to get real feedback on this as I feel totally clueless right now. Its all so raw at the moment and I'm trying to cling to all I can. Sorry if that makes me feel petty, but I am getting a shit deal on everything as we decided long ago that Id be the stay at home parent and run my own business so I could be home while he carried on with his 9-5 job. I have always done more of the share of parenting. Ive been economically disadvantaged too as I have never had paid sick pay, paid holidays, paid parental leave or been able to afford to pay into a pension. Ive always done everything on my own time. So its going to be really tough going forwards and as the woman/mother/stay at home parent I feel my efforts are being completely overlooked. We're not married btw and this is jiat a separation not a divorce. No courts involved.

What about the house how is that?

he can’t have every weekend (plus that isn’t 50/50) EOW and decide how the weeknight time is split and if that involves him figuring it out he does so

If you are not married then you definitely need to look after your own economic interests. This means working as much as possible and pushing him to do his fair share of child care

Do you own the house 50/50?

Your son is 12. He is Gillick competent in the eyes of the law. If he has a preference then the court will go with this unless there are other factors.

He may well end up at both your home 50/50 although it might be more weekends and holidays at their dads to balance this.

Be prepared. It's a difficult time but the most important thing is your son. He mostly be made to feel like he has to choose a side. Support him in whatever choices he feels able to make.

Ok well I am very sorry to hear that.

You accepted dross for gold by agreeing to be the stay at home parent with zero security or financial support—that is what marriage would have guaranteed.

He has got a son and paid into his pension and saved his money and you have literally laboured in vain for his benefit.

The good news is that you have your son and you only wasted 12 years, give or take, on this absolute bastard.

Now you need to go full speed on your career. Insist on 50/50 in the form most advantageous to you and try to get the highest paying job you can. You are planning for your iwn future and need to be ruthless.

@SoloMe I am so sorry to read your update. You're really disadvantaged in break ups of this kind.

You need to urgently secure a job, while financial it may not be more advantageous it will bring the benefits and gives you some help towards a decent pension.

Please take the 50/50 for your futures sake. You need to get yourself set up for a new future.

How about your son stays with his dad in the house, you get your own place and work full time in the week, and then you have your son Friday after school to Monday drop off?
You'd be better off financially and able to progress your career, plus do the fun stuff with your son at the weekend.
And it would be almost 50/50 - you could maybe have the majority of school holidays to tip it into exactly 50/50.

This is my opinion only not advice on your situation.

You made a decision 12 years ago that has financially disadvantaged you but was ok at the time because your ex supported you. He doesn’t have to do this anymore except for maybe CmS. If you get CMS or UC it will be limited to a few years until your son reaches 18. You will be older and stuck with a limited income and security.

I don’t think you should perpetuate the financial disadvantage by staying with the old arrangement. Which is what you are basically doing by continuing to be dependent on him. In your situation I would focus on improving your income and building a better financial future.

As it stands if you son is agreeable the court will be open to 50:50. If he decided he wants to live with his father the court will be open to that to.

How does dc feel about 50/50. It’s not about what ex wants . Or what you want either.

If you're not married then you might be better off ensuring he does his 50% share? In the short term it might depend on what kind of child maintenance you can expect but at some point in the future those payments will stop and you will want a decent income of your own.