New partners - can you put an agreement in place?

[Oppppppp]

My STBXH likes to tell me how quickly he is going to move on. In his younger years he hung out with quite a druggy crowd and I think he may go back there

Can you get anything written up legally that says new partners must be around for 6 months/I need to meet them?

No

No you can’t

Well that's that then 😂

Let's hope she's not a total wrong 'un.

Why would you want to meet his new partner? Surely you want nothing more to do with him?

It can be added to a CAO.

However, it's often added as a recital
Which is an agreement between the parents and as so not enforceable.

Courts don't love things such as this as it has the potential to become a reoccurring issue.

Unless you have evidence of him being unfit they would likely not interfe and believe that each parent has the capacity to make their own decisions.

That's regarding the time frame of mew partners.

They will never write that they must meet you. They can't control individuals not apart of the proceedings who don't even exist in the relationship yet.

He can't even promise you that. What if he says Yes and his new partner never wants to see you? He can't force her.

You have no say unless they are a sex offender.

Meeting them isn’t really going to help. They will either be on their best behaviour or they will be unsuitable but your ex won’t care what you think and make her have more contact just to spite you. Sadly you wouldn’t be able to stop him from introducing a string of newly met girlfriends either.

It sounds like the more you object, the more he will make decisions just to piss you off so acting unbothered might be your best tactic.

She will probably think you are a wrong ‘in with all the stories he will tell her about you.

Thanks everyone. He's been using it as something to persuade me to stay or shut me up really. Saying "OK, let's split. But I'm not over the hill. I will be getting back out there and having some fun and I hope the DC don't find it too weird with a different woman every month"...then laughing a lot

I say "well hopefully you won't introduce another woman to DC without thinking it through"

At which he loves telling me "oh you have no right to dictate that. No right. I'll introduce them to as many women as I like"

So I started thinking maybe I could do something to reduce the chance of that shitshow happening

Ah well. Onwards.

My STBEXH announced his affair in July and DC has already met his new partner AND her child!
legally you have no say unless there are safeguarding issues.
My solicitor suggested 6-12 months before DC met the new partner but ex has been with her a year behind my back already so is keen to forge ahead with his new relationship. They plan on moving in together ASAP (let’s hope that’s the beginning of the end!)

I’m not going to lie… it was horrendous knowing my DC was meeting the reason his dad left us… but he’s too young to understand the impact and he was surprisingly underawed by it all and hasn’t mentioned her or her child since he met them.

Stay strong OP. I’ve yet to make my peace with it all and it’s affected my MH massively.

Definitely onwards based on that charming conversation. You can't control him but you can show your kids what a good stable home is in contrast to his possible approach.

@Frazzled54 that is horrendous. I'm so sorry. What a shitbag

How old is your DC?

He’s 11 so old enough to understand what’s happened and why his dad left.

It’s probably the worst part so far. I’m absolutely heartbroken at the end of my marriage as I has no idea his dad had been lying and cheating for so long and he’s moving things on really quickly as he’s ’in love’ with her and sees his future with her. I’m left mopping up the shitshow he’s left behind. It’s an incredibly bitter pill to swallow as he’s got all the control and as he’s the other parent, my solicitor said I have to trust he has my sons best interest at heart when he’s with him.
It’s awful OP x

Some things in life you just have to suck up
i Think making an issue about this with him will make more problems than it will solve

there just seems a fundamental contridiction in all of it.

when you're still with the arsehole husband - all of MN tells you that you need to 'protect DC'. Then when you finally break up - all the advice is 'you have to trust the other parent knows what's best for DC'.

Of course my exH isn't to be trusted with DC welfare. That is why he's an Ex.

I'm so sorry @Frazzled54 it's awful. Our poor DC.

Imagine once you’re divorced you meet a lovely new man, he tells you his ex is a nightmare, made his life a misery, he can’t stand her, but he signed something when he divorced her which obliges you - someone he hadn’t even met at the time - to meet her. Does that seem reasonable? Would you want to be compelled to do something you’d never agree to?

As others said, you can't, but I wouldn't be worrying that much about it.

What makes your ex think he's going to have women queuing around the block to go out with him so he can discard them a month later and immediately have another? What makes him think that all these ladies are going to be enthusiastic about immediately meeting his children?

The chances are, there'll be one or two short term girlfriends, some of whom won't even meet the kids and some of whom will go overboard on being the perfect stepmum and shower them with attention and gifts, then quickly get bored when they realise that DC have already stopped taking Dad's relationships seriously.

I feel most sorry for any woman who he does form a long lasting partnership with, because the children will never be interested after a series of flings.

I'd probably just reply really jovially "there can't be another woman as stupid as me" and laugh it off

Least that will hopefully shut him up

Realistically you can't stop him introducing a constantly revolving door of women but at the same time I'd imagine many women worth their salt would also decline meeting them until an appropriate time had passed