the Mum moving out

[tellmesomethingtrue]

STBEXH wants to buy me out so he can continue living in the family home.

I would receive a lump sum enabling me to buy a small 3 bedroom house nearby. Our DC (aged 8 & 10) would live in 'their home with mummy' for 55% of the time.

Has anyone done this? How did the kids cope? Will the kids think I've abandoned them?

They’re not being abandoned. They’d have two homes and live with mum
slightly more of the time …..

Do you think whichever parent ends up moving out is 'abandoning' their children?
Or both if both buy new homes?

I was the one who moved out and I don't think it's made a difference. I let the kids choose the furniture for thier room and new carpet and I got a trampoline for the garden and they seem happy when they are with me. No one had any thoughts that I was abandoning them.

Much better. You get a new house your style. Why are they " abandoned" if they living with you half the time? Reframe your story.

I think how they feel might depend on why they've split up.

I know when my DP divorced I felt betrayed that Dad moved OW and her kids into our family home & my room was given to her son while we were reduced to just visiting on weekends. This played a huge part for why I no longer talk to him.

Hi OP. I have done just this (though with 50:50 care) and worried about exactly the same thing so I completely understand your fear. I think it’s a natural extension of the maternal instinct. For me it was that they would continue to live in the house they had grown up in, and regardless of the fact that they were going to be living 50% of the time with me in another house, the fact could not be avoided that I was physically leaving their home. I feared that somehow deep down, even if they couldn’t express it or possibly even realise it, it would therefore feel that I had left them, and leave them with a core insecurity. It kept me from leaving for a long time. I would have done anything to be the one that stayed. This is probably my skewed perspective that even though logically and morally I see parents as equal, I feel that (assuming the relationship is healthy) there is a foundational security in the mother-child relationship because of the biology of pregnancy, birth etc.

I had no other option, however, so did my absolute best to make their home with me as nice as I could for them, considering that it is half the size of the family home and without all the fun things they have there, and that the eldest has a downstairs bedroom.

I also refer to the two houses as eg ‘X Road’ and ‘Y Road’ rather than mummy’s house and daddy’s house, to emphasise that both houses are theirs.

My kids have adjusted well (one primary age, two mid teens) but I will admit I do still worry about it.

Thank you all so much for understanding and helping to reduce my fears. It's the thought of my youngest coming into my bedroom (where I'd no longer be) for comfort in the night, and then remembering that I'm not there.

His daddy will be there to comfort him

Hello, I’m going through this. How did it pan out?

Hi I have just pm you

How did you get to 55%??

Tbh I get it OP. The family home minus one parent is horrible. My dad kept the family home for a year when my parents split. I cried going there every time. It was like a ghost house. He sold it in the end for various reasons

I am just about to go through this and have had similar worries as the OP. If anyone else has hopeful experience to share (or useful advice on how to avoid pitfalls) I would be very happy to hear it. I am currently in the process of buying a little maisonette and stbx is in the process of buying me out of our family home. We are also aiming for 50/50 split with our one child.