Should he be invited?

[FlyingontheGround]

DS 8 took up a new hobby this year, there will be a performance for Christmas with a party afterwards, it’s the type of scenario where you need to book tickets. I will be there to support him with my other child and my mum but I’ve not mentioned it to exH. We separated in the summer, I pay for DS to do his hobby and do all the picking up/dropping off do I need to let exH know in case he wants to go or can I just leave it? I don’t really want him there but DS might like it and I don’t want to be accused of alienating him. I’d appreciate advice on what mumsnetters would do in this situation.

On the premise there was no domestic violence or there are no restraining orders in place…

For the sake of your son, it might be helpful if you could quietly invite your ex. Your boy would be thrilled to see daddy in the audience & that he and mummy are there together albeit maybe a bit frosty with one another.

This might be considered adult co-parenting.

Im no expert but many years ago I attended events with my ex. Our (now) very adult daughter has since told me what a thrill it was to see us both at sporting events & as it happens, charity school fashion shows.

Sound your ex out. See what he says.

What would be best for your child?

ExH did so little for the kids when we were together I doubt it would cross DS mind that he’d be there, he might like it if he was though so I suppose that answers the question.

You should mention it and give u the opportunity to attend

I hate inviting ex to things. I know he'll turn up to the public facing side of parenting to keep his image up but doesn't want to do any of the hard boring mundane bits of parenting.
I generally ask my eldest who is around the same age if they want their dad to be invited. Most of the time they say no

Yes, if you are reasonably amicable then I think you ought to mention it to him