I don't know where to start.
I was married for 20 years, have 2 neurodiverse teens. I separated from my husband last year after trying to make it work after I found out about infidelity. At first I was ok as I was on mum-mode making sure the kids were good, they stayed in the same house as they don't like change, I wanted to remain friendly with my ex to keep it easy for the kids so we could share holidays and special occasions. At first ( before the separation was legal) he was a good co parent, we were on the same page and I agreed to 50/50, believing it was what was best for my kids. However once that was finalised he changed. When we were married he slowly took control of the finances, I paid for everything even though he earns more than me. I have no idea where his wages went, he was psychologically abusive, belittle me, make me doubt myself, unfaithful, porn, financial abuse (he stole tens of thousands), eg he would steal prescription pain meds and lie to me telling me I must have taking them, he did that for years. If I asked to see the joint account or for a break down of bills he would threaten to kill himself. So many little things that I put up with because he could also say nice things, everyone loved him but he had no close friends.
I have a few core friends of 25+ years that I believed would be there for me. However they haven't. Maybe for the first few weeks. But nothing since, no reach out when joint custody started, no check ins, nothing. They are not his friends so it's not like they chose sides. They just dropped me. The thing is they are from different groups, it's not like they are all friends and leaving me out. It's one by one and very quickly I have been dropped and left out of things. I'm so hurt, I brought it up to one friend but nothing changed, in fact it made her disappear more.
They didn't know how bad things were in my marriage, I wasn't hit and they have good marriages so maybe they can't understand. I also don't see them that often because of kids, work, life etc and maybe we just drifted apart. But when we met up it was like time hadn't passed.
It's been 6+months of being left out and no check-ins so I need to accept it that they aren't core friends like I thought. But it's another level of hurt after realising the level of abuse I was put through by the person I thought loved me the most.
I tried making new friends, joined a couple of groups but it's so hard to make proper friends.
I'm now isolated, so anxious, avoiding people and I don't know what to do. I thought maybe join a online support group since my friends don't understand domestic abuse and how I let him do those things to me.
I am a really kind, caring , funny, friendly person but now realising I have no husband and no friends I feel the worst I ever have. I don't feel in the space to join classes or groups. Ps I'm getting therapy too, they are good but they are the only person I can speak to.
Do I just accept those friendships are over? Im obviously the problem since I'm on my own?
Does anyone know of any non physical abuse support groups out there, there is none in my area.