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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I don't know what's right

2 replies

KatyaKat · 18/11/2024 21:01

Hi, looking for some advice/guidance/I don't know really

My husband and I have been together 24 years, married for 19, and have 2DC, 16 & 15. We've both acknowledged that we don't see a future together for a number of years, but due to high financial commitments agreed (so I thought) to wait until those were less before splitting and moving on.

But, my husband has, in the last 3 months or so, decided he "can't live with me anymore" and need to move out ASAP. I had to persuade him that just before Christmas probably wasn't the best idea, but he's now intent on going as soon as he can in January.

I can afford to stay in the house and pay the bills, however, he says he will not live in a 1-bed, a 3-bed is too expensive, so is intent on going to a 2-bed, and says our son (the younger child) can just use his room/bed when he had them, and our daughter will have the other room.

In my mind, it isn't acceptable that my son doesn't have his own space at his father's new home. I've said that he doesn't need to give me any money, and get a 3 bed, but he says the 3 bed properties are 'old' and scruffy (he's looking at newish, purpose built 2 beds). The other alternative I've suggested is for us to get a 1 bed that we swap in and out of, so the kids remain in the home, or he gets a 1-bed and saves more money. Or, he stays here longer and saves. To him the only solution is a 2-bed (& a smart, newish 2-bed at that).

I can't work out whether he's justified in insisting on a 2-bed, or I am to insist our son deserves his own space, and what's the rush, given we've lived as we have for a while now, and it won't be that long before the kids are independent anyway - my older child will be off to uni in 18months or so.

It all just feels like a rushed mess at the moment, and I don't know what the answer is. I don't feel that selling our home is an option right now, as we're locked into a fixed rate, so would have early repayment charges, and it would be more expensive for us to get mortgages on smaller places, with the higher interest rates.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 18/11/2024 22:30

He gets to decide how and where he wants to live. What you and I would expect or want in these circumstances don’t matter. The children are old enough to give him feedback, simply by the act of not staying there.

There is a possibility that one or both of you could port the mortgage rather than pay early fees. But you could drag everything out for a couple of years maybe three.

KatyaKat · 19/11/2024 07:28

OK, thank you. That would almost be a win for me, if my son didn't want to go, but I just feel awful that he'd be put in that position.

But, as you say, it's his choice. Thank you

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