Felt my energy dip when I met with ex today, had to drink a 2nd coffee

[Imgoingtoaskthequestion]

If I had any doubts about whether I’d made the right decision to end it with my ex, today confirmed that I had made the right decision.

I could feel my energy draining away when we spoke. It was like he was a vampire. I had to make myself another cup of coffee. I could feel myself getting sleepy and a headache. He was doing his talking thing where he complained about everything and was just negative like a dark cloud.

Since we split I have had so much energy and I’ve lost weight because I have been eating less but more healthily.

It's sad, but good to have confirmation that you've done the right thing.

How long have you been separated and what are your living arrangements now? Did you meet to discuss financial things?

It’s been just over a month. We met to do child hand over. We did discuss some financial things also. It’s all fine. I forget that I’m a professional now and I don’t need to worry so much. I’ll be able to get my own place and my ex will buy me out fairly.

I will never get back with him even though he wants to. I’ve moved on. Actually I moved on before I ended it, psychologically.

We are in the process of separating, still living together. He sat and monologued at me for over an hour this morning about the state of the world and I got exactly the same feeling you describe. There's no peace. Just energy-sucking. I'm tolerating it because I know I will be free soon. I think he thinks he's terribly interesting and that I might change my mind about separating if he just talks enough......

I’m also separated from a dementor. You’ve reminded me of how draining it used to live with this.

Such a familiar experience. I have a private policy of limiting interactions with my ex to three or four minutes unless it absolutely cannot be avoided, as otherwise he's off on one of his "poor-me" or "the world sucks" rants.

I am "yellow rock" with him, cheerful but impersonal. I never ask "How are you" as I know how that question will go, so if I'm casting around for small talk I will always say something positive and outwardly-focused, like "Beautiful weather, isn't it?" or "Not long to go till the holidays", etc.

After an unavoidable negative run-in with him, I always find myself wondering "How the hell did I live with him for years, let alone love him once upon a time?"

Haha, so familiar I had to join. I can't understand how ex-h new partners tolerates it. I saw them out on a dog walk together and he was obviously mid-rant. I just thought 'thank God that's not me any more'.

@MyUmberFinch why did you sit there for a hour giving him an audience? Just leave the room.