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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Separating after 23 years....

8 replies

KinkyKitty · 15/11/2024 20:34

Looking to initially separate ourselves financially, so I can move out. Got our first mortgage advisor appointment next week, hopefully he'll buy me out of the house.

Any pitfalls I need to be aware of?

OP posts:
unsync · 15/11/2024 20:47

You should be aware it is unlikely to stay friendly, whatever he says. At some point it dawns on them what the reality of dividing assets in two actually means. Most seem to react badly to this. You need to put yourself first and protect your future.

SurelyNot22 · 15/11/2024 20:53

I'd respectfully disagree with the above. I split with my husband after 23 years together (married for 13) and we didn't have any disagreements over the finances. Perhaps we were lucky in that our separation came from a mutual agreement to remain respectful and supportive of each other so that our children could see that we'd still both be there for them. So I don't have any warning for you but I would say that in my experience it's important to remain as patient and neutral as you possibly can. But I completely appreciate that this will depend on your personal situation

Original poster
KinkyKitty · 15/11/2024 22:30

SurelyNot22 · 15/11/2024 20:53

I'd respectfully disagree with the above. I split with my husband after 23 years together (married for 13) and we didn't have any disagreements over the finances. Perhaps we were lucky in that our separation came from a mutual agreement to remain respectful and supportive of each other so that our children could see that we'd still both be there for them. So I don't have any warning for you but I would say that in my experience it's important to remain as patient and neutral as you possibly can. But I completely appreciate that this will depend on your personal situation

What do you disagree with? Expecting it to become unfriendly?

OP posts:
Original poster
KinkyKitty · 15/11/2024 22:32

unsync · 15/11/2024 20:47

You should be aware it is unlikely to stay friendly, whatever he says. At some point it dawns on them what the reality of dividing assets in two actually means. Most seem to react badly to this. You need to put yourself first and protect your future.

That is my concern, but we'll have to wait and see what happens. Thankfully (in some ways) he earns way more than me, so financially he has very few concerns. But emotionally, I don't quite trust that he's accepted it yet. I like to think he has, but am not totally sure.

OP posts:
unsync · 15/11/2024 22:57

@KinkyKitty It's good that you are aware of it. I read so many threads where women are seemingly oblivious to the possibility that their (now ex) partner could shaft them financially.

millymollymoomoo · 16/11/2024 08:30

Mine was and remained friendly
perfectly civil and able to do 99% if things ourselves. Neither party out to shaft the other.

contrary to on here not every partner is out to do so. That doesn’t mean there aren’t some disagreements or different perspectives that require conversation or negotiation but it’s not borne out if trying to screw the other over

Macaroni46 · 16/11/2024 08:33

My advice would be, be prepared to have to move / sell the house. We thought initially that one of house would stay in the house but the reality was that it just wasn't possible financially. And actually, in hindsight, I'm much happier now in my own, mortgage-free smaller house.

ThisCharmingteacher · 16/11/2024 08:37

I would say get a solicitor and take some advice- maybe go to mediation? There are lots of factors to consider as well as the house in particular pensions

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