How do you start again?

[MrsSwears2Much]

I'm 35 years old (soon to be 36) and my husband and I have been together since I was 19. We have 2 children and live in Scotland.

The fighting is becoming too frequent. If I'm honest I'm not sure who is even to blame anymore?

I want to leave. I'm also terrified to leave. This relationship is all I have ever known. We have lived together in our home for 12 years. I don't know where to start.

My parents don't have the space to take me in temporarily. My local area have no rentals that I could afford. There is one 2 bed flat, but its honestly tiny (kitchen is literally a cupboard off the living room) and costs £700pcm. My take home wage is £1800pmc (Civil Servant) and I do have a few debts as we have had a lot of housing issues (flood and fire in 10months!)

How do people leave a marriage in Scotland? Where do I start to stand on my own two feet?

Can you increase your hours or change roles to increase pay?
I moved out and my rent is pretty much half of my pay. I’m not in Scotland though. For me it was worth it to finally be separated.

You are in Scotland so please bear in mind most people will give English divorce advice. Scottish laws limit the entitlement to larger splits of the marital assets and ringfences certain assets outside the asset pool. The general upshot is you won’t get much more than 50% of the shared assets. However ….

In your post you have quoted your take home salary as your income. It is unlikely to be your income if you separate or divorce. Have you considered what benefits you will be entitled to and what is your likely child support. Also how will a co parenting arrangement limit or benefit your earnings.

Sadly you might need to evaluate the short and long term benefits of improving salary and career opportunities versus the immediate reliance on UC. You want to avoid a poverty trap, which is the real issue. You have access to other forms of income now which will enable you to move out now. Further down the line these won’t be available. Try to maintain and improve the civil service role, especially the pension, if you can.

I will be applying for my managers role in the next few months as she is moving on to a private company. This should increase my wage by quite a substantial amount. Its not guaranteed I will get the role though.

Its such a worry though with the rising costs of living, and I'll have to find the rental deposit and buy furniture.