Do I really need a solicitor?

[ThisPerkySloth]

Hello

very long hope someone reads and can help advise.

background is brief though - finally called police about STBEXH in 2020 and they removed him - abusive to me and (2 teenage) kids. Many years.

I tried divorcing via court without solicitor but he wouldn’t cooperate so I left it.

EXH on Tuesday said wants divorce (previously said wants one but in a way he thought would make me scared of being on my own with kids and I’d take him back - why would I take him back if I’m now living my best life 🤔😂). I just haven’t divorced as can’t be arsed and don’t have that money spare.

Today went to his solicitors as both consenting and joint application - he said yesterday he’d pay my fees too but today has already back tracked - slippery little so and so. his solicitors will be drafting and processing everything. I need to respond at appropriate times.

Question is do I need my own solicitor for the divorce? Should I have one? Any ideas on cost?

I definitely need one for the financial order - I don’t want anything from him, he “says” he doesn’t want anything from me. When he realised we’d have to submit financial info he said no to financial order but I confirmed with his solicitor that as long as we make it clear to our respective solicitors that we don’t want the other party knowing details then they will only share between themselves and not me and him. I’ll definitely check this again. They said will cost £1800 for the order on top of the divorce costs 😱

He has today paid half his fees to his solicitor so they can start / pay the court so maybe he is committed this time? 🤔

If he as his own solicitor representing only him, then to keep it balanced you probably need your own solicitor representing only you.

Assuming you are in the UK, any money he gives his solicitor is actually coming out of the “marital pot” and there is no reason you should not also be entitled to have your own solicitor paid out of the “marital pot.

Your need your own solicitor. I’m not sure what your commitment is to paying half of his lawyers fees. On what basis did you attend the appointment and did you agree to paying for his solicitor to provide advice. What does his fees include. At best you might need to pay for half if the advice session.

@YankeeDad thanks for responding- what’s the marital pot?

We don’t live together and we don’t share any finances at all. He’s paying for his solicitor, I will pay for mine. We have lived wholly separately for last 4 years. I don’t ask or need anything for the kids who live with me. He does give them money though frequently but they keep that. Many years before split I’d stopped having joint accounts etc as he couldn’t be trusted to not take all the money out behind my back and then not say what he’d done with it.

I wholly look after kids, one never wants to see him, the other now bit older occasionally but largely to get pocket money / eat out or get him to buy stuff which he more than willingly does. But I’ve never asked him for support since split.

there will be no disclosure of finances to each other , if that has to happen neither of us will do a financial consent order come what may. Then I don’t see point of just a divorce. Bit of a deal breaker on both sides.

has to be a full clean break. But neither of us will declare finances to each other.

@ThisPerkySloth I am not a solicitor - only a private individual who has been through divorce in the UK - but I think you may want to at least do one call with a solicitor in order to check this. I may be mistaken but I believe there are only three scenarios in a UK divorce:

1. you do full financial disclosure to one another voluntarily, perhaps with the help of a mediator, and you agree and file a Consent order which then gets court approval, OR
2. you have an adversarial and expensive legal fight, in which full financial disclosure is given either in response to a Court order or in response to the threat of that, and then there is an agreed Consent order or a court case which is even more expensive, OR
3. you each accept that either one of you will remain free, for as longer as either one of you is alive, to come back at any time and make financial claims against the other party or even against their estate if one party dies.

Ie I believe there is no possibility of a proper clean break in the UK without disclosure plus a Consent Order. You could take a view that he will never file any claims against you, but that is risky, since any future financial success would be exposed to him changing his mind about that.

One way you may be able to find out for free is to book a 15 minute call with a company called amicable.io. Their people are often legally trained but they are not a firm of solicitors and they do not represent clients in adversarial court cases. Their main service is to assist couples who want to get divorced in a legally “amicable” fashion ie without hiring duelling lawyers who may tend to increase the amount of hostility. If your husband wants to get divorced and also wants a clean break, he may agree to work with them or with somebody like them (effectively Option 1). If he does not, then I am afraid you are probably back to options 2 or 3… unless I am mistaken.

Good luck!

A clean break means you sever financial ties immediately. The consent order means that it is final and irrevocable. It is the judge’s responsibility to ensure that the order is both fair and that it cannot be challenged in the future by either party or an interested party.

It is possible to divorce without a consent order but you will still be financially tied and this raises risks for both of you and your dependents. Staying married compounds that risk.

As long as you are married the other party has an entitlement to half your wealth. They can evoke this entitlement at any time. The lottery win example, an actual case, is perhaps a rare example of when this risk materialises. A unavoidable one is the implications for your will. He will still own half of everything because without a consent order you haven’t addressed this. He is still next of kin for many purposes. You are not legally financially independent.

Getting out of a marriage costs money because a marriage means more than cohabitation. If people want financial independence and to avoid the cost of divorce and wedding ceremonies, they don’t get married.

@LemonTT you’ve put that’s very clearly! I do want total independence now in light of what I’ve gone through although it’s impact on me and kids won’t ever really go away. But I see There seems far more risk if I stay like this. It’ll be a fear till my death and for my kids after I die.

i have a will it’s as air tight as can be but yes divorce and financial order would avoid any challenges and make it completely air tight and no one could stop my kids getting everything I have.

apparently he doesn’t have a will, so if he died tomorrow, his estate would come to me. 😂😂😂

I have a chronic illness, they don’t know how it will develop / what my prognosis is. I want to protect my kids in any way I can. He cannot be trusted not to challenge my will.

I guess I need to put my big girl pants on and get on with it. Finding a solicitor is first step. And researching the divorce process.

👍

@YankeeDad thank you for sharing that, his solicitor yesterday said we could disclose to our respective solicitors they will know what each other has but we can instruct our respective solicitors to not share with either party. Whether that’s true I need to check. It’s the only way he will cooperate as he is adamant he won’t share with me.

thank you for that recommendation I will try them - I am absolutely sure he will not want to participate.

but the answer is I need a solicitor!