Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I'm scared and need that last push...

5 replies

MarellaJoy · 14/11/2024 12:48

Once again I'm sat in bed absolutely disappointed, but not shocked at all by my husbands actions.

The cycle goes like this...
He goes to work, goes for a couple of after work drinks and then boom, dissappears off the face of the planet. Usually, I get no update or communication as to what's happened and what time he'll be home. I always worry that something has happened...is this the time hes fallen in a ditch?? When I call and IF he answers, I get told because its now late (past midnight at least, but usually 3am) he is now going to stay with work colleagues in town. The next day he comes home (usually after 5pm when he's gone from the colleagues house straight to work) hes hungover and remorseful. We talk, I say how upset I am. He says sorry and that he won't do it again. 3-4 weeks passes, I start to believe him and then boom happens again.

It's been 10 years of this. I just can't take it anymore. We have 2 children and I do 90 % of the childcare, the other 5% is my mum and the last 5% him if he needs to collect the kids from school when im working late. I just no longer see why im putting up with this. I don't trust anything he says anymore.

I'm terrified of separating with two young kids but have come to the realisation the only benefit he is bringing me is financial. He offers almost zero emotional support, I feel very unloved. Most days he doesnt even ask how my day is, apparentlyi shouldnt wait to be asked. He will walk in sit on the sofa, scroll on his phone and wait fot dinner to be ready. ...and now im past the point of resentement for the sheer physical and mental load of carrying this family. He has a good job and works full time and I'm part time because our kids are small.

Does anyone have any positive stories of separating and going it alone with 2 kids. What gave you the courage? I feel so sad but also can't imagine still putting up with the way our relationship is in 10 years and hoping at 31 I will still have a life beyond this...x

Sorry that this turned out to be so long...

OP posts:
MoveToParis · 14/11/2024 12:52

What gave me the courage was anger. Was knowing he would never stop, having no reason to, and that I either had to put up or shut up.

He will not change. He won’t stop. He doesn’t want to, and thinks you won’t. The evidence tells him he is right in his thinking.

You have to be the change, what you are receiving is the only thing on offer.

MoveToParis · 14/11/2024 12:53

and had those thoughts at 31… but also 41 and 51, to my utter shame.

Passmetheaero · 14/11/2024 12:57

Imagine how lovely and peaceful your life will be once you get rid of him.

IOSTT · 14/11/2024 12:57

He is most likely staying at another woman’s house. You are very young and still have most of your life ahead of you 💐

Theoldqueen · 14/11/2024 13:01

I won't comment on your relationship because I think you know, really.

But here's some encouragement: I love being divorced. Me and my little besties figuring it out, noone to answer to, noone sat about doing nothing but making it grumpy and tense and everyone feel sad. We have so much fun together.

Is it hard? Yes, but you're already doing it. The practicalities will come together, you'll probably need to work more hours and you'll probably worry about money. But you're tired and worrying anyway.

Imagine not feeling sad all the time. That's what's waiting for you. Be brave.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread