Access to possessions after leaving Marital Home

[BigFishLittleFish10]

I will be leaving the marital home next year hopefully and beginning divorce proceedings. Due to circumstances in our marriage I am planning to leave in secret. We rent and I will have to tell my husband I’m leaving (when I’ve got my new place) then eventually remove myself from our tenancy.

What rights will I then have to any items I leave behind? Due to finances, the turn around from the time I’m offered the keys, to my new place, to telling my husband I’m leaving won’t be long - a few weeks possibly.

I’m not taking any furniture with me, only my clothes and a couple of the children’s items. I am essentially starting completely from scratch.

I don’t have a car and I’ll have to transport any items/stuff in taxis or on busses when the time comes.

My worry is that once I’ve removed my name from the tenancy - ex will change the locks and deny me access to the home. I cannot imagine him being reasonable.

What are my rights please?

I’ll make sure all important documents go with me and any sentimental items too.

If you need to leave in secret, would you feel safe to go back for your things?

Have a look at the Women’s Aid website and maybe speak to someone to get some advice on your options.

Congrats on making the break x

Legally, you may have rights, but in practice, if he decides to burn all your things because he's a spiteful dickhead, there's nothing you can do. Guess how I know?!
Can you squirrel away some sentimental items with a friend beforehand?

Do you have the option of storing some stuff elsewhere before you leave. For example if you are leaving in the winter could you pack up summer stuff and move it into storage. Plus you could move or copy paperwork and personal possessions. Better still invent a reason to be putting stuff in storage like, you plan to redecorate the bedrooms.

That’s what I’m worried about 😬 Sorry that happened to you @IncognitoForLife How awful. I’ve squirrelled away some sentimental stuff in bags and a suitcase. Problem is we have so much stuff that it’s a mammoth task to go through it all.

Putting stuff in storage is a good idea, thanks, I’ll try and look at storage units in my area. The good thing is we have a huge amount of stuff/are in a mess so he wouldn’t notice things missing etc.

Does your husband work outside the home? Can you book removals/man with a van when you have a definite moving out date and shove all the stuff you want into the van while he’s out? Or move a big chunk of stuff into storage if he has a weekend away planned or anything like that?

You say you’ll take some of the children’s things. Are your children grown up, or are they coming with you?

I don’t have a car and I’ll have to transport any items/stuff in taxis or on busses when the time comes.
Hire a van and driver. This plus a temporary storage unit and you should be able to get everything you need out in a couple of hours.

Ideally take (or remove ahead of time) everything you want to keep before you go or on the day you leave.

A relative of mine left her abusive husband while he was out but didn’t take all the stuff she needed /wanted. She had to go to court to get him to give it to her. Even then some items were broken/ unusable/ incomplete.

The most important things are documents, certificates, jewellery, and anything irreplaceable that’s meaningful to you, anything valuable. These are what I would make sure I didn’t leave.

If there’s any risk he will notice stuff disappearing ahead of time then just keep it to these indispensable items and forget any general clothing etc.

I would investigate the cost of a man with a van type business and posting some boxes to the new address. I think a man with a van will be cheaper than multiple taxi trips and less hassle because you’ll be able to consider taking furniture like kids beds.

You have rights but it sounds like he will destroy/ruin/hide things once he knows so I wouldn’t count on being able to pick stuff up.

My original plan was to hire the man and van in the weeks or months after I’ve left and to arrange a date when he’s in work to pick everything up.

I don’t know if he might be very difficult or left alone with my stuff might destroy or “accidentally” damage my items in the meantime.

No, you do the removal first, whilst he's out at work, and move yourself into the new place. Then you tell him.

If the situation is such that you don't things will go well, you make sure you're already out before he knows or suspects.

I picked up the keys to my place on the Tuesday, moved things he wouldn’t notice that day and shopped non perishables. I took a few things the next two days and then moved out on the Friday and told him then.

I didn’t take everything…I took most of my clothes for this season. I had cleared out my wardrobes in the weeks before to make sure I wasn’t taking rubbish. I took make up and toiletries, jewellery and a few kitchen bits.

I didn’t think he would destroy anything and it has been ok but it took me two trips on the Friday to get everything out (I drive). I haven’t been back to get anything else yet as he’s signed off work and at home now and I don’t want to be there with him. He is away this weekend though so I will get a few more bits then.

Is this a private tenancy and if it is are you joint tenants. I ask as you will still be responsible for the rent if you don't hand in your notice to the Landlord. And one tenant serving notice terminates the whole tenancy unless the landlord gives your husband a new tenancy. It maybe a bargaining chip for you that you won't serve notice until you have all your possessions safely but be aware if it is joint that you are still responsible for the rent, damage etc.

It’s a social housing tenancy, I’ll remove my name from the tenancy and my husband will remain in the house.

If you do leave things behind that you might want later, take photos & videos of everything showing it's all in good condition, so he can't argue later that it was already trashed.