How to start the separation conversation

[ColdAndSunny]

Married nearly 25 years, but increasingly asking myself "is this it?". DC both at university. DH uses prostitutes and has now started to use male ones, so even if reconciliation were a theoretical option, it really isn't any more. Whilst this is awful and LTB territory, I really don't care, because I don't want anything to do with him any more. We haven't had sex for nearly five years and haven't shared a bedroom for nearly two. I've consulted a solicitor and am financially independent, so am ready to go.

The issue is how to broach the conversation. We both come from families who don't talk about personal/emotional stuff - very stiff upper lip. So we don't row or acknowledge the fact that we have separate bedrooms and no sex.... How do I start the conversation to say "I think we need to separate" when we never have conversations about anything remotely personal?

You just have to bite the bullet. Tell him. I did, he completely ignored me and didn't speak so I continued making plans.

Eventually I had everything in place, and in fact texted him before I went on holiday setting everything out and asking him to be grown up about it for the sake of thr children. I'm emphasising this every interaction now, he doesn't want to look bad in front of them so it is working.

Good luck, send me a pm if you want xxx

But you don't think you ought to seperate. You know - so there's no discussion there. I'd approach as we are separating and this is my plan.

I agree with the PP. tell him you WANT to separate, or even better, get divorced. Get all your ducks in a row first and consult a solicitor BEFORE you talk to him.

Not that you WANT to separate but that you ARE leaving him. You can say it gently and preface with ‘this may come as a shock but there’s something important I have to tell you.’ But you need to be clear that this is your intention.

This is really helpful, thanks! The fact that it is my decision and it is happening, rather than me asking for permission to do it. I like that. I just need to do it...