Vacating before the financial order is approved...advice please!

[Baffers100]

Help needed and I am overthinking and doom spiralling!

Background-
Leaving marriage of 14 years, have two young children (5 and 9) who will be with us on a 50/50 basis. Poor marriage, have been divorcing for 25 months, sleeping in the spare room (on a sofa bed in what's also my home office).

Finally agreed the finances a month back, and they're currently with the court waiting for an approved financial order. I am told this will be sorted in next few weeks.

STBXH is buying me out of the house so I can vacate and he will keep the martial home.

Home life for me is very poor, I live like a student in a small room. The thought of a third Christmas here divorcing (and the kids know we are divorcing and I am moving out), well it was a thought I couldn't take, so I started looking at rentals.

I have managed to secure a great place for me and the kids. I didn't want to be looking in December because I knew from speaking with estate agents not much would come on to the market. A lot of the properties which did come on were also crazy expensive. I see it like I've got a good deal if that makes sense. Waiting for the FO approval could see me here over Christmas and enough is enough with this weird cohabiting nonsense.

Due to get the keys for my place next week.
Has anybody moved before the FO is granted? Wondering if I will have issues taking the furniture we have agreed I can take with me.
Mortgage payment goes out 1st December too. I am still liable, but I have been paying 50% of the mortgage for 2 years for a room in a house. Do I pay it all, some, none?

There are no hard and fast rules and I would be inclined to say check with a solicitor (I'm only a paralegal) but nothing you say presents an obvious and significant risk to moving out early.

Normally the risks relate to custody matters (e.g. the parent who stays often has a tactical advantage in claiming to be the primary parent) but you are agreeing to 50/50 and sometimes one parent is trying to stay in the house whilst using the others' mortgage capacity but sounds like he is able to buy you out so this won't happen (and nowadays, a court wouldn't be very happy about letting one parent use the others' mortgage capacity for very long anyway).

I moved out before the FO was granted.

Actually my moving out started the separation process.

No impact on FO or on agreed personal items. I didn't take any furniture.

I’ve moved out - as above it was my moving out that finally started the process. I am in an Airbnb at the moment but have secured a rental to go to more permanently.

I had been on the floor of the lounge for nine months and needed my space and a real bed.

My exH moved out way before FO was granted. No downsides for him or anything.

just go for it and enjoy having a happy home. Much better for kids.

It's interesting reading the responses because law firms (i.e. solicitors) will always say don't move out but I'm honestly not sure. Sometimes, if one partner is dragging their feet it can become a really difficult decision. For example, will moving out speed things up or slow them down?

For example, a higher earner could be the one who wants to move things along and could move out and stop paying the mortgage but obviously this carries risks of the mortgage not being paid or being ordered to pay maintenance pending suit. Then again, the weaker party would have to apply for MPS and may not do so if interim provision is reasonable (e.g. where paying what CMS would calculate covered the other spouse's needs). There is though also the risk that the lower earner could frustrate a sale and not pay their share of the mortgage. However, there is also the opportunity to deny the weaker spouse anything more than CMS to "prove" that they don't need spousal maintenance or - if maintenance is pursued - to demonstrate that the house is unaffordable to the weaker spouse and needs to be sold (it is always a bit of a gamble applying for spousal maintenance in order to afford to stay in the house).

On the flip side, the lower earner moving out probably carries a lower risk. It makes the likelihood of a Mesher Order virtually nil but then such an order isn't all that likely in the first place these days. In theory the higher earner could delay a sale but unless they are abusive or controlling then there is really nothing to gain for a higher earner from delaying a severance in the finances of the parties.

I'd be really interested on any family solicitors' take on this because I think the "don't move out" advice is not as clear cut as some people think it is.

Thanks everyone.

I'm the highest earner but was recently made redundant and have restarted a new role so it's like my higher salary has been offset by the fact I'm on probation.

He's buying me out and I think is looking forward to me being gone. It's usually pretty tense between us. He wants friends and his parents over. He's been chatting about all the DIY projects he wants to start (laughable).

I think me physically leaving isn't the problem but I anticipated issues with moving the furniture out. I told him earlier I get the keys next week and checked me booking a removal van for the end of the month was ok and he said yeah which is as much of an ok I will get.

He hasn't yet asked about December's mortgage payment but a) I won't be living here, b) will have to whack it on a credit card as my rent cost is high and I can't afford costs for two houses and 3) could always argue for the past two years I've paid half the mortgage and live like I'm renting a room. I get I'm still liable until the mortgage is signed over so may have an issue there. Worst case scenario I'll make a contribution/ full payment and add it to the legal debt credit card!

We've already agreed finances, just waiting on the court order. As part of this we have agreed no CMS, 50/50 custody and no spousal maintenance so I think the usual arguments about walking out weakens your position don't really apply? Court order should also come over in the next couple of weeks.

Is the wisest thing not to just ask him?

or casually mention that as you won’t be there for the month of December you won’t have enough funds to pay both accommodation costs?

Ordinarily, yes most likely, but he's a bit all over the place. Perfectly nice one minute, everything is an issue and I'm arsehole the next.

In that case you must ask him when he is in a nice mood

It might kill you to be nice but if it says you hundreds of pounds then it’s absolutely worth it

Good news- we've received a sealed court order so crisis has been averted, woo!