Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Is it normal to feel this bad - and does it get better?

7 replies

Anon1621 · 12/11/2024 07:55

I posted back in March that I wanted to leave my husband. For me, things hadn't been right for a while - he never supported me enough around the house, with the kids etc. I then made some stupid mistakes - texting someone else for a couple of weeks & also kissing someone on a night out when I was drunk. I know that wasn't acceptable but I also knew that my marriage was over. I've been trying to leave since then (March) but the relationship then became very toxic - daily emotional & verbal abuse from him, keeping me awake at night, plus other things. He just said it was my fault he was like that & because of what I'd done, I felt he was right. The guilt made me stay.

I finally left him two nights ago as I couldn't take it anymore & came to my parent's house. There's other issues going on with him as well. It's just a mess - although his family were supportive at first they've now turned against me. It was to be expected I guess. I'm just really struggling to hold it together - it's like I've been holding in my emotions for about a year now as I couldn't fall apart in front of the kids. I feel broken & can't stop crying. The kids are with me at the moment but we've got to sort out arrangements going forward. He won't speak to me - all communications have to go via his mum or sister.

He's currently playing the victim in all of this - which I fully expected.

I was just wondering if this feeling is normal and does it get better? I could really do with hearing some positive stories right now. Thank you x

OP posts:
Anon1621 · 12/11/2024 18:02

Bump ^^ x

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 12/11/2024 18:12

Ive been divorced twice. Its absolutely the most awful and gutting experience. It reallh messes you up mentally. It will get better.
Once I was rid of them I felt I could do anything and the freedom was incredible.
Just one piece of advice. Dont get embroiled in a new relationship at this stage. It messes with custody. I find judges are not at all impressed by a new person in the mix with regards to the children. It over complicates everything.
You can do what you want when you get that decree absolute.
Take some deep breaths. You will be fine.

ILoveAnOwl · 12/11/2024 18:21

It is the hardest thing I've ever done. But yes, it does get better. It won't be straightforward and there will be so many bumps in the road. But it will be fine. Probably far, far more than fine. Keep going, it will get better!

trailblazer42 · 12/11/2024 19:08

I'm two weeks on from where you are...but I wouldn't have got here without counselling. I have a safe space every Monday morning where I can talk it all through and have been doing that since March when I decided to leave. It's taken me seven months to actually do it and I have a whole range of emotions but the overriding one is relief. I've been stuck in limbo for so long and now I feel like I can start to make plans and move forward.

It's not easy as I'm getting a lot of abuse and playing the victim from my husband but I know I did the right thing. I have kind of written off the next six months as being an emotional rollercoaster but am finding lots of highs already.

Sunshineclouds11 · 12/11/2024 20:38

I'm a year in, we still have some bumps in the road but I'm happy.

Like you, 2 kids, me taking on everything. Whilst nothing has changed in that sense I'm still just as busy with the kids, house and the mental load that brings but I'm not pissed off 24/7 now that there's someone there who's not willing to help even when asked.

Anon1621 · 12/11/2024 20:43

Thank you for taking the time to reply x

I've just spoken to DS1 on FaceTime as my ex has them tonight. It's so hard - and I can see he's confused by it all. I'm going to speak to DS1 tomorrow to try & explain that we're no longer together etc as I can see he's starting to work it out. DS2 is still too young to understand.

I couldn't stay in the situation I was in. It had become so toxic. Just got to try & focus on the future now x

OP posts:
Anon1621 · 12/11/2024 20:46

trailblazer42 · 12/11/2024 19:08

I'm two weeks on from where you are...but I wouldn't have got here without counselling. I have a safe space every Monday morning where I can talk it all through and have been doing that since March when I decided to leave. It's taken me seven months to actually do it and I have a whole range of emotions but the overriding one is relief. I've been stuck in limbo for so long and now I feel like I can start to make plans and move forward.

It's not easy as I'm getting a lot of abuse and playing the victim from my husband but I know I did the right thing. I have kind of written off the next six months as being an emotional rollercoaster but am finding lots of highs already.

Totally get what you mean about accepting the next few months will be rough - I'm also trying to brace myself for that.

So glad you're starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Stay strong 🩷 x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread