Hello! I’m writing this feeling empowered but not yet ready to tell friends and family the situation.
Me and my now ex partner (as of today) were together for 6 years. We share 2 kids, 5 y/o daughter and a 3 month old baby boy. For years he has struggled with mental health (depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, bouts of erratic and impulsive behaviour) in fact I only realised his problems once I feel pregnant with our first child. Throughout the years I have tried to leave the relationship, but somehow he has always wormed his way back again and again.
When I was 8 months pregnant, he offered me a few days away with my mum and friends. When I came back I saw messages from his ex with information about the things they had been up to whilst I was away.. of sexual things. It broke it and being heavily pregnant I didn’t know where to turn, the shame. I never told anyone and took him back and it probably messed me with me since. That was the pattern of behaviour, I’ve lost count of the times he cheated. With girls on nights out whilst I was home with our eldest, with prostitutes and hookers paid for, the searches for sugar babies, sending money (our money!) to random girls on the internet. It makes me sick how stupid and little I thought of myself for all these years. How weak I was. He has been in therapy for years since we met, it was the condition I had for him accepting him back the first time.
last week he came to me and said he was having suicidal thoughts. His therapist contacted me with permission and asked me to take him to a dr urgently. I did, I paid for the appointment because I should add he is unemployed. He’s currently on anti depressant. I took 2 weeks off for maternity with our second (now 3 months) because we were so skint and I work online for customer care so juggle it all, stupid I know. Today I asked him to help with my job by logging on to WhatsApp and checking something. His reaction was the one I’ve seen again and again when he’s cheated. I knew instantly. I looked at his WhatsApp and there it was, messages from a girl last week. How much fun they’d had and how they should meet again. This time it didn’t make me upset, I was calm as day, stood up and said “when were you going to tell me that you cheated again?” He didn’t say anything ofcourse - he’s a coward. I walked outside to breath came back in and said “pack a bag, we are done” and it felt so good. I felt no sadness just relief, like a weight has been lifted at last. For years I’ve felt that he drags me down in everything, as though I lost my sparkle bit by bit staying and being weak. He never said sorry, he didn’t say anything really or when he did I just said I’m not interested there’s nothing to say anymore, we’re done. I haven’t cried, I’m snuggling my baby boy, about to pick up my daughter and snuggle her too. This time I want to stay strong and not take him back. I don’t know what the future holds but I know it’s not with him, I and the kids deserve so much more.
What do I do next? Im in the house and he’s left for now, we rent and I can afford to cover it all I think. We are not married, do I need to consult a lawyer? I haven’t told anyone because they’ve heard me leave before and always go back. This time I want to do this solo and then tell everyone I did it finally. Next steps and advice welcome please? 🙏🏼