Caught husband out at having cheated back in August, we've been cohabiting since then with the plan for DD and I to move at Christmas to live with family 6.5 hours away. He's agreed to this on and off, and it's been a real mixed bag. However in the last month he's adamant we need to fix our marriage and given time, I can forgive him/get over the betrayal. There have been screaming and raging rows between us, emotional blackmail and gas lighting on his behalf, and telling our 6 Yr old things like mummy doesn't love daddy any more, we're not going to see each other much once you move. He tells me our life won't be better for moving away, we will be a novelty for my family for a month or so and then we'll be on our own, he's going to have nothing when we leave, he accuses me of just spending the last 10-15 years waiting for him to do something like this so I could have the chance to walk away, and throwing our 26 yra together, 16 of which married, away based on 1 mistake and I should give him a second chance.
I can't take it any more, I've been an emotional and mental wreak this last month. All of this - the betrayal, fights, emotional blackmail, guilt, anger, hurt and turmoil has broken me.😠I spend hours every evening crying alone. He away at the moment and family are coming to get us, but I feel like a coward for leaving when he's not here. I don't want a scene, I haven't got anything left in the tank and I absolutely don't want to traumatise our 6 Yr old.
But I'm taking her 6.5 hours away and the guilt for doing this is tearing me apart. It's true he's only started getting involved with her more since I said we're leaving at Christmas. His mum accused me of using DD to punish him and as a pawn to get back at him, in response to needing/wanting to be with my family. 😞 I've suggested we meet half way to do hand over at weekends, I said I'd get on a plane to take her to him if he's posted abroad, we'd alternate half terms and the bigger holiday, splitting summer. I said I want to work up to all of us being able to be together in the US with his parents for Christmas for her, but none of this was acceptable to him or his mum. I'm freaking out and racked with guilt. I feel physically ill.
I've covered for his infidelity with people by telling them my m isn't well and hinting we'll do married unaccompanied to protect his promotion prospects, career and reputation. People believe my drastic weight loss and bursting into tears looking stressed is down to that.
I'm freaking out, I can't stay but my terrified of leaving and taking DD away from dad. I feel so stressed and broken!!