Not read all replies so,sorry if someone already mentioned this
at top of page is link to ADVICE NOW.
BEFORE you go to a solicitor , use the link. Find their guides to divorce . Then read. Read some more . Understand how the 3 processes work…the divorce petition itself, the financial agreement and child custody arrangements
with respect to financial agreement you need to understand how “ FAIR SETTLEMENT “ works. This is 10 or so criteria listed in the divorce part of the marriage act that explains how a court makes provision for financial settlement. It is based on FUTURE NEEDS. Even where couples agree their own arrangement, a court must apply these criteria to ensure fair settlement before a court can “ seal” or legalise it . financial settlements do not start at 50:50 as many on MN seem to think…the court likes that, but it is not always possible to meet “ fair settlement “ criteria with that.
there is no point seeing a solicitor until you’ve found out this stuff yourself, and begun to figure how it will apply to both you and your husband. The “free” 30 mins with solicitors is essentially a sales pitch to you saying what needs to be done and what they can do for you. With a couple of hours reading of ADVICE NOW, and even the excellent official government divorce process pages , you’ll know far more than this. After your first free 30 mins, every hour a solicitor spends thinking about your case, shuffling papers o listening to your venting or answering basic questions you could find answers to yourself, will cost you £200 an hour roughly. So go get your free 30 mins with specific questions or clarifications you need before they pitch to you.
yes, you will need a solicitor for some tasks. Find out for yourself what you need them to do, first, from reading . State that clearly when you see them. For instance you do NOT need a solicitor to do any of the petition work..a solicitor offering this is frankly a charlatan as the law was changed 2-3 years ago to make what was already simple, even more simple. By the government itself.
the ADVICE NOW guides will explain all the processes. Where you need a solicitor, where you don’t, and where you might. They tell you how to fill forms in.
before any financial settlement should even be discussed BOTH of you need to complete a full legal financial disclosure. form E and D81. It is a criminal offence to falsify. Well 2 offences potentially. Yes, it is sensible to locate and make copies of as many financial records as possible. But it is illegal to log onto his accounts with his passwords, and that could complicate stuff if you then think he is lying on his declaration. If you think he’s lying you have to go through formal legal route unfortunately
remember divorce ALWAYS leaves BOTH parties worse off, no matter the size of the pot. A “ joint misery” is how the law lords, who developed these criteria, described the process of splitting assets. But fairness based on future needs is the ONLY principle applied, and in your situation should afford you with some security, given the joint assets in your marriage that your husband has been able to accrue with you taking care of household, kids etc. Leaving now will bite you, and bite him, but give you both chance to repair that damage over years to come, including you getting back into work.
please do go to ADVICE NOW site . I divorced in 2021 , cheaply and extremely quickly using these guides. Even though exh abused me, and we’d been married for 30 years. They also helped me realise my future prospects to be able to make that final decision to divorce … I couldn’t make that decision until I could clearly visualise my future. And I say this as the one who was sole breadwinner and financial more assets in my name. It was extremely tough to face the reality of what I would “ loose”, but by getting used to that and accepting it up front before requesting divorce, made the whole thing less stressful in the end.
Divorce is not the panacea to “happiness”. It is the way forward to ending deep unhappiness, fear, resentment, arguments etc. sometimes what stops up making change to move from those negative states is fear of the unknown. Replacing the unknowns you have, with knowledge can give you courage to make the decisions you need to. Even if that is deciding to stay married .