Ways to make 2/2/5 easier

[Thecrocodilewhodidntlikewater]

About to start doing this with my 7 year old. How can I make it easier? What do I do about clothes? Ex will be doing Mondays & Tuesdays, I do the next two & then we alternate the weekends. Ideas I have already are: bag of favourite things to go from home to home (hopefully left at school office), wall calendar with the days on, trying it so one of us drops off & the other picks up so there is no “handover” in term time anyway. Any other ways I can make it smoother & easier for my child & me? (And my ex I guess…)

No one?

I don't have any advice as not doing this, but hoping a comment bumps you! I guess the thing I'd also do is ask your child if they have ideas? Being clear you're all figuring it out and you are keen to hear from them what they want and need, that you're all doing this together, and hopefully you can work together to make sure they can still have play dates and go to parties etc?

Is it possible to have the clothes at both or does that get really complex with washing and someone potentially ending up with most of them?

Some of it will depend how cooperative your ex is, I know one friend where the kid would go on nice clothes and come back in old too small stuff, so she had to change things round.

Not sure if the school would do this as they’d end up having stuff for a lot of kids? Ask but be prepared.
also echo pp could you have similar bedding and some copies of favourite books/films at both houses so the transition feels less? Or would your child prefer a very distinctive separation between the two?

My child is only 7 & doesn’t have any good friends with separated parents so I don’t think he has a clear view of how it might work.

I think the more duplicates that can be bought the better, so the more he can feel at home in both places and not like he’s packing up and visiting

I agree re duplicates but what do we do about things like going to school from one parent in uniform & getting picked up by the other. How do we transfer the uniform back?

You have multiple set of uniform. Pe kits need to be moved between houses.

Yes this. I have a similar arrangement but we live very close and always facilitate them getting something from the other house if we can. Things that spring to mind are:

1. Not being precious about that- e.g. your parents buy him a lego set, it ends up at whichever house he happens to want to build it.
2. If he has swimming or football clubs etc, they'll alternate on whose days they fall, so have a kit each that you wash and use on your week.
3. Embrace the positives- getting chores done when he's not with you so you can be really present when he is.
4. Be positive, calm and neutral if they are reluctant to go to the other parents occasionally, but get them to go. keep the arrangement set in stone as far as you can. He doesn't need the uncertainty that messing around with dates would bring. A 2 week cycle like this is a bit tricky for a child that age to get used to, but as long as you parents cooperate it can be done and a really positive thing.

Refer to it as 'your home with mummy' and 'your home with daddy'. Never say 'mummy's house' or 'daddy's house'. Let the class teacher know the days he is with each parent. Have two identical calendars, one for each home.

This is my current set-up. My younger DC is 9 and has been doing this for a few years now.

He settled into the routine fairly easily. We have duplicates of most things, although things like technology goes from house to house. ExDH lives closer to the school so i usually collect bags and drop them back off (admittedly we are amicable and I use a key as ExDH is at work)

The hardest thing for me is around food. Especially on those 2 days, as food quickly goes off these days.

He also likes to be made aware in advance of any changes to his routine so school holidays etc..

It'll be an adjustment for you all, the key factor is checking in with your DC to see what's working and what isn't and adjusting accordingly.

Thanks @TerrifiedandWorried that’s v helpful. And thanks @Phoenix9. I am also thinking tech & maybe a couple of night time soft toys will need to travel.

Oh & thanks also @napody …positive calm and neutral is going to be hard but yes, essential

Sets of uniform at both homes. Uniform is washed and either the child wears it back when when parent who supplied it next picks up from school, or washed and returned in school bag. Same with PE kit.

General clothes, etc provided at each home.

Thanks everyone. Can anyone recommend a wall calendar or a way of explaining on a wall calendar what nights will be with which parent? I am thinking it’s confusing that drop off might be one parent and pick up another. Do I get a calendar and colour in the morning pink and the evening blue?!! Is there a better system? I want my 7 year old to be able to see what’s going on.

I sort of do a highlighter line across from the middle of the day they're picked up by Dad to the middle of the day they come back to me! Sounds complicated but easy for them to see and understand.

That’s exactly the kind of detailed info I was hoping for! Thank you

2 sets of uniform and PE kit is the only realistic option. Each parent buys one set.