Preparing for divorce - how to cope with being away from kids

[Singlemommatobe]

I'm slowly realising that I don't love my husband anymore and I'm resentful towards his lazy attitude to housework/life. But I know he would go for 50/50 care of the children and no reason why not. He isn't abusive just lazy.

That's the only thing stopping me from going for divorce. I really don't want to be away from my kids and would miss them so much.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can maybe start to move towards realising this is better. Fwiw I don't argue with my husband about his laziness anymore. I just get on and do what needs to be done, take the kids for days out, etc etc. We also have nice days out together as a family. We get on well as friends to be honest.

Part of me is thinking to stay until kids are older that I can at least stay in contact with them easier? Seeing as there isn't any abuse/no daily arguments.

Or try to bring myself to accept not seeing the kids for potentially 2/3 days at a time.

It's shit. But you will offer yoir children a better quality of you.

I would say that, in most cases, dads cant stick with 50/50. In tour case, if you say he is "lazy", I cant see him sticking to looking after kids full time for a long period of time.
I think you should not worry about this. If he is a good dad, he will have to step up and your kids will only benefit from it, while you will have a chance to have more time to yourself. If he is crap, nothing will change - he will see your kids for a weekend once in a while but you will not have to live with him anymore.

To be honest I found it good. Gave me a nice rest every week!

How old are you children now OP?

I planned specific activities that cannot be done with a small child in tow. Having my hair cut & highlighted. Shopping for shoes. Redecorating a room - especially the children's room. Medical routine screening. Fixing Christmas lights to the gables.

And when my ds was away, I cooked foods that he doesn't like but I do - seafood, spicy food, or trying out a new recipe.

But my ex never wanted ds for more than a few hours - weekends were rare.

I think it does matter how old your kids are to you, if they are little and need you it will hurt you more if they are 8/9/10 + I think you would probably find it easier to cope

It's very difficult, especially in the beginning (50/50). I have to remind myself that our time together is monumentally better than it was before, as they have a mum who is not stressed out and sad all the time and they're not being brought up in a tense or toxic atmosphere. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but "staying for the sake of the kids" would have definitely had a worse effect on them long term in my position. My youngest was quite little which I found harder to cope with. I also worried the older they got the harder it would be on them, having spoken to people in same position whether they were the kids or the adults in the situation.

The kids have been surprisingly resilient. I take solice in that, although he was a shite husband and an awkward as cats shite co-parent, he does love them and they have a good time at his. I am hoping if he can get over his hatred of me it will make him a better person/ dad.

I second what previous posters have said, when they are at their dads that's when I can plan appointments, hair cuts for myself, batch cooking and generally catching up on housework and jobs (I work full time). Catch up on sleep etc. Self care.

Quality over quantity… you will be so much happier and a better version of you!