My abusive ex (divorced 8 years), has been estranged from his Mother for over 20 years, his Father for 8, his great aunt and sister for many, his own son for 6. He has never met his mother's new husband (of 20 years).
His mother died 2 weeks ago. I informed him of her death (because I wanted to be a decent human). He has not responded to me asking twice whether he intends to come to the funeral. This was one of the ways he would control me.
Experiencing this control again is making me very anxious and that in turn is upsetting me. It's not just a matter of holding my head high and not letting him get to me, I get a very physical response.
I will need to tell my son if I don't hear back (or if he says he's coming) so I can prepare him. I will also tell his sister.
I completely understand that he has every right to be there.
Any advice on how to handle things?